All About Us Page 2
How should I go about pursuing her? We hardly know each other anymore. She is obviously physically attracted to me, her pert nipples saluting me and the soft intake of breath when we hugged were a dead giveaway.
Her green eyes are brighter than I remember yet tinged with sadness. The loss she has suffered this year has been great and it pisses me off that I missed both funerals. Yet, I was still shocked to see the depth of the sadness and a trace of guardedness that was unexpected, especially turned on me. Add to that the deep purple shadows under her eyes and how thin she is, I want to wrap her in my arms and guard her from further hurt. Lia tried to prepare me, but nothing could have prepared me for the physical toll the past year has taken on her body and mind.
I’m conflicted with what to do. My body tells me to rush the process, my heart tells me to show her how I feel and my mind tells me to let her get settled, find some calm and then gauge where she is at. At war with myself, I know my body will lose. Only time can heal the wounds she has and I need to be patient.
I’m not patient.
It’s against my nature, but I won’t push her, I want her to be ready because I have been ready for years. Regardless of letting her settle in and having time to heal, there is no harm in flirting . . . Right?
Rolling off my bed, I look out my window and at her house. What is going through your mind as you walk through there? My legs ache to go see how she is doing, instead I shoot Ryan a text to find out where he is at. I need a distraction.
“Emma has arrived. She’s coming for dinner later.” Dismounting Charger, I walk over to where Ryan is trimming Eore’s hooves.
Ryan finishes up and takes Eore’s halter off. “Awesome. How is she?”
He knows how I feel about her, but unlike Lia he doesn’t say much. He just wants everyone to be happy and will do whatever he can to make it happen. “She fell in a water trough because she wasn’t watching where she was going.”
“Seriously?” Laughing, I nod but quickly sober as I fill him in on how she really looked.
“It was awful to see how this whole situation has impacted her. They were always so close and it looks like the weight of the world is on her shoulders.” Ryan purses his lips and halters Odin before handing me the lead rope and picking up the first foot.
“I can’t even imagine being in her shoes. We all squeezed Mom and Dad a little harder after the accident. Then to follow that with Will’s heart attack . . . We would be a wreck too.” Nodding in agreement, my thoughts swirl over ways I can make things better. “Dane, you can’t fix this. You know that. It takes time.”
“Fuck, I know. Why do you have to know me so damn well? I hate that you always tell me how it is. Can’t you lie once in a while?” Looking around the pasture, I notice a rail is down. Grateful for the distraction, I return my attention to Ryan. “When you’re done I have a rail to fix. I’m going to check this entire pasture.”
“Just go. I do this by myself all the time.” He waves me off so I drop the lead and pull myself into Charger’s saddle.
Moaning as my back cracks, I stretch and admire my handiwork. A few rails were busted but the pen is secure again.
My phone dings with a text.
Lia: Supper is in half hour. You better damn well be ready!
Chuckling to myself, I swing up into Charger’s saddle and take off at a canter. With the distraction of fixing the fence gone, my mind is drawn right back to Emma.
It’s time to put some light back into her eyes.
Standing in the foyer of my new home, the reality of my solitude finally sinks in and I collapse onto the bench by the door, gazing around me. Tears stream down my face as I take in the photos lining the stairs directly to my right.
Photos of me with my parents, grandfather and the Hyatt’s look down at me. Between settling the estate of my parents, followed quickly by that of my grandfather, I have lost my entire family in one fell swoop. All that I have been holding in explodes to the surface like a geyser. Taking deep breaths to push off the anxiety I feel roaring through my head, I stand and dry myself off with a towel I manage to dig out of some boxes. Tossing it onto the bench, I close my eyes and attempt to settle my nerves.
Wandering through the house with tears flowing freely down my face, the beauty of what Grandpa has done with me in mind, astounds me. The tile floors, soft green walls and large windows make this house bright and airy. Grandpa put in a library for me knowing I would one day inherit this home. He even added an amazing writing desk for in the winters when I cannot sit outside to work on my novels.
The kitchen has updated granite countertops and looks into the family room. It is obvious that Grandpa had me in mind with the cozy furniture and space for even more books. Sitting on the couch, I wipe my eyes and pull myself together. I will not allow myself to wallow as it does not change anything. Taking a final glance around the main floor I head back outside to unload my life from the trailer and into my new space. This is a new chapter and I am going to make the most of it.
It does not take me long to unload the trailer and put boxes in the appropriate rooms. Grateful that I was meticulous when packing and loading my trailer, because it could have been a tedious task.
I made sure my office necessities and books were the first thing I unloaded, I know where my priorities lie. Other than my books, my clothes and other personal items, I had sold everything else prior to moving. The home had been decorated with me in mind and I want to keep Grandpa’s how he had envisioned it for me.
Every nook and cranny of the house fits my style, he hit it on the nose right down to the little knick-knacks scattered throughout. The layout is open and airy, perfectly laid out for convenience, right down to the enormous walk-in closet that I currently stand in. I’m pretty sure I’m in shock at how large and organized it is. He even put in a wall of shelves for my shoes. This closet is every woman’s dream and I can’t help but squeal quietly to myself.
The upstairs has three bedrooms, but two will go to Alex once he comes up here. Alex has been my best friend since I was 12 years old and we are inseparable. He is two years older than me and basically my big brother.
Alex automatically agreed to move up here once he knew I was serious about moving, there was no hesitation for him to relocate and I’m eager for him to arrive in the next month or so.
He was basically adopted into our family after his father left them and his mother turned to substances rather than being strong for her son. He is the only family I have left, aside from the Hyatt’s.
Thinking of Alex reminds me that I need to call him, he will be expecting me to let him know I’ve arrived safe. Chewing on my lip, I debate whether to call now or later, but unpacking my meagre belongings before dinner wins out, especially since I know he will sense the sorrow I’m purposefully ignoring. I will call him before I head over to see Lia, Dane and Ryan.
Burying myself into getting settled, I start in my office. This room will contain the most important things to me. It is my life. Everything I need for my writing is contained in the boxes before me, but I want to unpack my books first.
The first box I open has me tearing up again as I pull out the books stacked on top. They are mine and not just any books, but the one’s I had signed and gave to my mom whenever they came out.
Mom was my biggest fan and had encouraged me in my dream to write, which is why my first novel was published before I turned 21. She helped me in every way she could, including researching every aspect of publishing so I could put all my energy into writing. She was my cheerleader, my beta reader and my motivator. Returning my focus to the books before me, I place them on the shelf closest to my desk, fingers gliding over them lovingly before quickly unpacking the rest of my boxes.
As usual, I lose track of time in my world of books and putting my favorites in esteemed places that by the time I check the clock I have 45 minutes to get ready for dinner. Letting Chloe in from her exploration outside, I feed her before hopping in the shower.
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sp; Instead of rushing through my shower, I take time to allow the hot water to ease the tension from my neck and shoulders as I mentally make a to-do list for the next few days. Drying off, I wander into my closet to find something to wear.
Flipping through the hangers, I pull out a turquoise halter styled sundress. Considering my re-entrance back into Dane’s life, I’m hoping to make an impression at dinner. Instead of examining why I care so much, I try to focus on seeing Ryan and Lia. Will things flow back to the way they once were? Obviously with Dane . . . my mind wanders back to Dane and just thinking of him has my heart beating a little faster.
It does not bode well that I have spent five minutes with the man and already developed a crush on him. I need to nip that in the bud, it can’t happen. We are neighbors and practically family, aside from my obvious issues I don’t need to add another complexity to my life. Aside from Alex, they’re the only people I have left. Not to mention my recent dating history has left nothing to be desired. Ugh, I cannot go there right now!
I blow dry my long hair so it hangs in waves down my back, sitting just above my hips. My makeup is soft and natural, completing my look. It may be silly but I want to look good without appearing to try too hard. Why does being a woman have to be so difficult? I’m pretty sure Dane can roll out of bed and still be drop-dead gorgeous.
Examining myself in the mirror, I’m satisfied with what I see. Before heading downstairs, I sweep my hair aside to look at the new tattoo on my back. The intricate design goes straight down my spine in loops and curlicues with three hearts for both of my parents and my grandfather. I will never tire of looking at it.
Grabbing my phone I stop to scratch Chloe on the head before stepping onto my porch. Standing on the stairs, I gaze around my property. I love the view of green grass, tall trees and seeing my horses graze contentedly in their corral. Breathing in the fresh air, I feel it in my soul that what I need is here. This is where I will heal, while staying connected with what I have lost. Checking on the horses quickly, I toss them some more hay before walking to the Hyatt’s. Their parents now live on the back 40 of the property, leaving the main house to Lia, Dane and Ryan. I can’t wait to reconnect with the entire family.
Barely stepping into the house, a blur of dark brown hair, brown eyes and white teeth tackles me at the door. Hugging Lia as we stumble, laughing at the fact that the only reason we’re still standing is because she has pushed me up against the door.
“I am so glad you’re finally here!” Lia squeals.
“Obviously, you’re practically feeling me up. At least romance me first.” Chuckling I look over as Ryan comes into the room and laughs at Lia plastering me against the wall.
“That’s one way to welcome Emma back into our lives.”
Lia releases me from her iron clad grip and I move to stand next to Ryan. He is slightly taller than Dane and I have to crane my neck to look up at him. His dark brown hair is tousled from him running his hands through it. Ryan’s rich brown eyes twinkle at me and his smile automatically has my lips twitching in response.
“Hey squirt,” he says affectionately, “it’s good to have you back, despite the circumstances that brought you here.” Leaning in for one of his bear hugs, I blink back more tears trying to fight their way through. What the hell is wrong with me? I haven’t allowed myself to get so emotional after I realized it made people uncomfortable. Despite my show of emotion his hug is soothing and I relax into his embrace.
Pulling away I can’t help but notice that I did not react to him as I did to Dane despite the fact that he is equally attractive. He is more rugged than Dane, with a five o’clock shadow on his defined jawline and a tribal tattoo that peeks out from his t-shirt sleeve giving him that bad boy appeal, yet there is no physical reaction to him.
Ryan is the eldest of the three at 28 and was always the one I went to when I needed comfort and a big brother. Lia and Dane were the two I got into mischief with. When push came to shove though, even after all these years, I know I can count on any one of them for anything. Glancing around I can’t help noticing there is no sign of Dane and try to shove away the feeling of disappointment.
Looking back at Ryan I realize he is waiting for me to say something. “It feels right to be here, this is where I feel a connection to all of them, even though it’s been a bit emotional.” Taking a deep breath, I try not to dwell on how much I miss them. It does feel right to be here, but the hole their loss has created still gapes wide open.
“Well, you know we’re here for you,” he says with a squeeze.
“Can I help with dinner?” Changing the subject away from the one topic I tend to avoid, I look for an escape. I’m not good with talking about this subject matter and want dinner to be lighthearted. I need it to be lighthearted.
“No! You sit and relax, I’m almost ready.” Lia leads me into the kitchen and pours me a glass of wine. Gazing around the familiar kitchen taking in its red walls with white cupboards and gleaming granite countertops, it doesn’t feel like any time has passed. The stainless steel appliances are new, but it still feels like a second home. Moving towards the center island, I sit at the breakfast bar setting my phone on the counter. Cradling the glass set in front of me, I sip my wine.
“Where is Dane?” Inquiring in what I hope is a casual tone of voice; I gaze at Lia and take another sip of my wine. I know if I don’t make eye contact with her she will find it suspicious and I curse the burn of a blush forming in my cheeks.
“He was running behind this afternoon and is washing up,” Ryan replies as he steps inside from lighting the barbeque. He looks at me closely before observing, “I can’t believe how much you’ve changed. You’re no longer a little squirt.”
Laughing at his scrutiny, “Well that’s what 13 years does to a person. Although, compared to you I still am a squirt.” Considering that Ryan and Dane are both taller than I am but also strong and muscled, I am tiny compared to them. Both men are built from all the work done on the ranch and have the muscle to show for it. Ryan and Dane are natural protectors of those they care about. One time in the first grade a bully had tripped me and I flew face first into the sand. Ryan saw and gave him a black eye. Looking at Ryan now, I still see that intensely devoted man and grin at him.
He winks at me, grabbing the plate of steaks and heading back outside to put them on the grill.
“Lia, are you sure I can’t help?”
“You’ve already had a long enough day and supper is ready once the steaks are done.” She starts to load food onto the table and I get up to help her, ignoring the mock glare she shoots in my direction. As I carry the salad over to the table I look hungrily at the mountain of food she has begun piling there, my stomach loudly growls causing Lia and I to burst out laughing. The realization that I haven’t eaten since breakfast has me distracted as I drool over the feast Lia has put together, more embarrassingly audible growls coming from my midsection and I don’t notice Dane walk into the room.
“Hey Emma, acquaint yourself with any more water troughs this afternoon?” I swivel around to glare at him, barely resisting sticking my tongue out as Ryan and Lia start laughing.
“Once was enough, but thanks for checking,” I mutter as my face turns an embarrassing shade of red. Meeting Dane’s eyes, I notice that his brows are furrowed and his eyes are studying me closely. I squirm under his scrutiny, not sure what he is thinking. If it was Alex, I could read his thoughts just by his expression, but I don’t know Dane well enough anymore and his expression causes heat to spread through me.
“What?” I finally ask after a moment, giving him my sassiest look. Somewhere inside me the girl with confidence is hiding and I draw upon her to deal with the rush of emotions Dane causes to course through me.
He smirks at me. “I was jus . . .”
The sound of my cell ringing cuts him off. Dane reaches over and grabs my phone, glancing at the screen before passing it to me with a look. I glance down and see Alex’s name on the screen.
“Holy shit Em! What the hell? You’re gone for not even a day and already forgetting me? I was worried sick! I know how driving is for you and it was a long journey. Did your trip go okay?” Alex’s voice is clearly audible throughout the silence in the kitchen so I meander over to the window to try to get some distance. Quickly turning down the volume before I reply.
Trying not to take notice of Dane watching me closely, I turn my body full away from him. “I know. I can’t believe I forgot. The drive was okay, better than we thought it would be. I got distracted after letting the horses out. I decided to take a bath in the water trough.” I chuckle as he bursts out laughing. Feeling my face flush again I glance discreetly at Dane. He is still studying me with that unreadable expression, but there is a twitch to his lips as he sees me looking at him. Tuning back into what Alex is saying, I close my eyes listening to the steadying sound of his voice.
“Only you.”
“Yep, to add insult to injury I had an audience as Dane had come down to invite me for dinner.” I purposely keep my back turned to my captive audience as his laughter comes over the phone. “Hey, can I call you later? I’m just visiting now.”
“Yeah, sure hon. Make sure you actually call me. It’s going to be awhile before I can finish making my arrangements and make it up there. I miss you.”
“I miss you too. Love you and talk to you later.” Hanging up I turn back to my friends and smile sheepishly. Lia looks at me and I mouth, “Alex” to her. She nods in understanding before gesturing to the table.