All About Us Page 5

  Dane’s frantic voice breaks through to me as I hear him calling my name. I also hear Lia and Ryan through the rush in my head asking what the hell is going on. Too far gone to respond, I curl into myself and let the panic attack take hold.

  My body is shuddering as I fight for breath when a muttered curse breaks through the panic and pain into my brain. Warmth meets my side as I feel Dane slide over in the seat to put his hand gently on my back as though he is afraid to startle me.

  The moment my brain registers the contact, the circles that his hand is rubbing over my back soothingly, the shuddering stops and oxygen starts to flow freely in my lungs again. Gasping at the free flow of air, I’m reeling from the abrupt change in my body. His hand stills for a moment at the unexpected shift before continuing its circles.

  My mind is in shock. One gentle touch from Dane and the panic is gone. The tears slow and my thoughts clear of the painful scene that was running through them. Without thinking I curl into him exhausted and pass out.

  Emma is out cold, head resting awkwardly on my chest. Gently I lower her to my thigh and continue to rub circles over her back, ignoring my body as it reacts to her closeness. Her heavenly scent encircles me and I close my eyes to ground myself.

  Heart pounding at the emotions flooding through me, I open my eyes and meet Lia’s gaze, tears glisten in her eyes as we silently process what happened. Lia reaches over and squeezes my hand before facing the front of the car. This silence won’t last long, I can see Ryan is about to blow. He hates feeling out of control and helpless when someone he loves is in pain. I’m shocked he didn’t pull over to the side of the road.

  Looking down at Emma, her face looks so calm and peaceful considering what just happened, I brush a wisp of hair away from her face.

  My mind replays the scene over and over. The shaking, crying, her curled in on herself in actual physical pain. Until I touched her . . . It all stopped when my hand made contact with her. A small smile lifts the corners of my lips. It feels wrong in this moment, but I can’t help but feel proud that I was able to quiet her, take away some of her pain even for just a moment.

  The car is still moving when I wake up. Realizing I am curled into Dane, resting my head on his lap with his hand still rubbing circles on my back, I keep my eyes closed. The fact that a simple touch from him immediately stopped my panic attack is still a shock to me and I will need to dissect that later.

  For now, I want to enjoy the close proximity before we go back to friendly non-intimate contact. As I lay there breathing in his soft cologne, I finally tune into the conversation of the car and realize that I must not have passed out for long. They are talking about me and what happened. This is what I’m afraid of; I don’t want to be the source of people’s judgment or worse, their pity.

  “What the hell was that?” Ryan’s voice is shaking and it is apparent that what happened shocked him.

  “It seemed like a panic attack to me. There was a girl in school who used to have them and there were a lot of similarities to what was happening to Emma.” Lia replies. “I’m guessing it’s from being in the car, did you notice how quiet she got each time? I wonder if it’s because of the accident.” Lia knows me too well. Focusing on keeping my breathing even, I keep listening. It doesn’t feel good to eavesdrop on my friends but I need this time to prepare myself for the questions I know will come.

  “We all saw the photos of the accident, can’t say I blame her for not liking cars. I can’t believe I forced us to take the car when she suggested her truck.” Dane’s voice cracks and it takes all I have to not wrap my arms around him. It’s not his fault; it’s mine for being such a coward.

  “How were you to know, bro? I don’t think she wanted us to know.” Ryan is always the voice of reason and my heart squeezes for him. I’m not hearing any judgment or pity, just empathy, and relief flows through me. They are so good to me.

  This is why I cannot give in to these feelings for Dane. To lose them would break me; the thought of damaging these relationships in any way sets my heart pounding. The only thing that keeps the panic at bay is Dane’s hand rubbing comforting circles over my back. It feels so nice, it’s hard not to push into his hand and moan.

  “Guys, we should let her talk to us about it in her own time. Dane, I’m looking at you. I know what you want to do and how your personality is, but you cannot fix this for her. She will come to us when she is ready.” This is why Lia and I have stayed close. She gets me as well as Alex does without even looking at me. They move on with the conversation and eventually I doze off with the soothing strokes of Dane’s hand on my back.

  I’m jostled as Dane lifts me out of the car, still half asleep and dreaming I wrap my arms around his neck and curl into him, breathing him in. My mind registers the sound of him hissing out air and this dream is the best thing about this day. It must be a dream, because otherwise they would just wake me up.

  My sleep addled brain takes advantage of having dream Dane’s arms around me and I rub my nose up along his neck, keeping my eyes closed as I enjoy the smooth skin up to under his ear. Feeling emboldened in the safety of my dream, I flick my tongue out to lightly lick the sensitive spot under his earlobe, enjoying the taste of his skin.

  A muttered curse makes me smile and I do it again, enjoying the way Dane’s breathing has quickened. Part of me wonders at how vivid this dream is, but I ignore that thought and glide my nose back down his neck as I nestle back into his shoulder whispering, “Best dream ever.” Dane chuckles and I feel myself being lowered gently onto a soft bed. I moan at the loss of his arms but relish in the coziness of the pillow.

  The sound of a door shutting rouses me the rest of the way. Freezing, the realization that I just accosted Dane thinking I was dreaming comes crashing into me. Ah hell, what have I done?

  Needing time to collect myself and exhausted from the panic attack, I allow myself to drift off without ever opening my eyes.

  Slowly shifting into consciousness I stretch, as my awareness drifts out of me I realize something feels off. Cautiously opening my eyes, I look curiously around me at the vaguely familiar surroundings that are not my bedroom.

  The room is a mixture of bold greens and blues; masculine, simple and clean. It dawns on me that I’m in Dane’s room as I recognize the gabled window looking across to my house. It has been years since I was in Dane’s room. When he turned eight he decided girls weren’t allowed in there and I haven’t been in here since.

  Getting out of his massive king sized bed I move about his space, cautiously exploring without touching anything. There is not much to see except for some photos on his wall and dresser. The first photo is one of his parents. I gaze at it for a while as I have not seen them since I was 16. They look the same as they did when I was last here and it makes me happy to see them so well. When Lia came over to help me unpack yesterday she had informed me that they were away until the fall, travelling the country and enjoying their retirement.

  Moving along his dresser are more photos of the family, they must have just recently had these done as they all look the same. At the end of the dresser I almost pass by one lone photo, but the sun catching on a silver frame catches my eye and I stop abruptly.

  It’s me.

  And not a photo from when we were kids, those are all on the walls. This is a photo of me from shortly before my parents died. I had hired a photographer to update my author photo and she had taken a great candid of me laughing at something Alex said. He must have gotten this off my Facebook page.

  Unsure what to do with this information, I move to examine the photos on the wall. Many of the pictures are from when we were kids, and I laugh at the memories they hold. Familiar photos that also hang in the halls of my house and part of me is surprised at how sentimental Dane is.

  He likes order and control, he was continuously the leader when we were kids. Lia and I always content to follow along with his idiotic and brilliant ideas. To see that his softer side has remained into adulthood wa
rms my heart. The more I get to know Dane again the more my crush strengthens, but so does my resolve to not risk losing the Hyatt’s. The history we share and sense of family I have with them is more important than the feelings seeing him has stirred up. I would rather bury my attraction than take the risk of acting on my feelings for Dane. And I’ve become very good at burying how I feel.

  Steeling myself against the desire that has not diminished since seeing him, I prepare myself to go downstairs. Pretending I was actually asleep earlier will be challenging but I need to do it. I better practice my poker face.

  Quietly opening the door, I listen for the sound of voices. Silence greets me and I make my way downstairs. Looking at the clock on the wall I deduce that Lia will be in the kitchen preparing dinner so I head that way. Pausing at the door, I listen for Dane’s voice. I hate feeling like I need to avoid him, but I still need time to recuperate. Opening the door when I don’t hear anything, I walk in.

  “Hey sleepy head! I was wondering if I was going to need to come wake you up. Do you want to stay for dinner?” Lia smiles at me gently, bringing back what happened in the car.

  “I don’t think so. I’m pretty tired and think I just want to curl up with Chloe. Thank you though.” I’m hoping that didn’t come across as rude, my brain is still muddled from my panic attack and nap. The thought of cooking for myself is a little daunting in this frame of mind but it’s for the best. I think that an evening on my own will give me the time I need to prepare for seeing Dane. Lia is understanding and doesn’t push me to stay. God, I love her!

  On my way back to the house I check on Belle and Serenity, tossing them some hay. Chloe is sleeping on the porch so I call her in and feed her too. We eat together and then I curl up on the couch with one of the novels I had picked up prior to coming here, Chloe jumps onto the couch and lays at my feet. I don’t plan on moving from this spot for the rest of the night.

  Adjusting in the saddle, Charger and I continue to herd the mares and foals back to their pen. I watch the foals carefully and immense pride fills me at how well they are doing. My balls have finally recovered from Emma teasing me in her sleep and trotting isn’t quite so painful. Now that I’m not in excruciating pain, I chuckle. I’m still in shock over what happened and thankful I didn’t drop her.

  The last mare and foal enter the pen so I close the gate behind the horses, dismount and climb up the fence to sit and watch as the horses explore the pen. My mind fills with visions of green eyes and soft lips. Her lips were so soft.

  Since we got back from town this afternoon, all I have been thinking about is how to get her to acknowledge her attraction. It’s time to make my move and hope that I was the man she was dreaming about.

  Jumping down the fence, I grab Charger and we head back home. The sun is setting and I’m hoping Emma is still in my bed.

  Charger takes off at a canter, he is eager to eat and relax. He works hard but is rewarded for his hard work too.

  As the barn comes in sight, he picks up the pace and I let him go enjoying the exhilarating rush at his burst of speed. He slides to a stop outside the barn and I jump down and quickly pull his saddle off. Trailing behind me into the barn, he walks with me as I put the tack away and grab some brushes.

  This is my favorite part of the day, the quiet of the barn mixed with silently brushing my horse after a hard day’s work. It truly makes me appreciate what we have. Charger sighs softly as I finish up and lead him to his pen at the back of the barn. Hay is waiting for him and he eagerly goes to eat.

  Turning on my heel, I look up at my bedroom window and walk quickly to the house and up the stairs, leaving my boots in the middle of the entryway.

  My eyes automatically look to the bed and disappointment floods me when I see it is empty and made.

  “Damn.” Her soft scent fills my room and I stride to my bathroom so I can quickly wash the day away before I get completely immersed in her.

  “What time did Emma leave?” Walking into the kitchen for dinner, my stomach gurgles as I inhale the delicious smell of the lasagna that Lia has prepared.

  “I would guess about 30 minutes before you walked in the door.” Pulling on some oven mitts she reaches into the oven and pulls out cheesy garlic bread that makes my mouth water.

  “Why didn’t she stay for dinner?” Ryan asks as he starts mounding food onto his plate. Plopping myself into my chair, I eagerly await Lia’s response as I fill my bowl with Cesar salad.

  “She didn’t say.” Damn. Lia wouldn’t tell us anyways, she is a fiercely loyal friend and sister. I always loved that about her, until now. Emma fills my thoughts and I zone out as I debate with myself how I can make things better for her. I want to fix her hurts. I want to make her world better.

  “Dane!” Ryan’s voice pulls me out of my thoughts and I look up to see him smirking at me.

  “What?”

  “I asked if you got the horses moved okay.” He and Lia are both barely restraining their laughter.

  “Everything went smoothly.” Digging into my food, I pointedly ignore them as they tease me.

  “I think the days of his three date rule are over.” Ryan says before taking a bite of garlic bread.

  “They were over as soon as he heard she was moving back.” Lia adds. Lifting my head, I scowl at them. It’s not that I care if they know how I feel about Emma or that they are teasing me. I’m frustrated with myself, because I really don’t know how to proceed. My gut tells me to proceed with caution but I’ve never been that type. I charge in at full speed and command things to go my way. That won’t work with Emma.

  “Dude. You’re in la-la land again. What the hell?” Ryan waves his hand in front of my face and I swat his hand away.

  “I see what you’re thinking Dane and it’s not going to work. But I think you know that.” I look at Lia and cross my arms. The glare is automatic when someone tells me something I don’t want to hear.

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “Uh huh. Just listen then. You need to ease in, show your interest and let her process it.” Narrowing my eyes at her as I ponder her words, I give Ryan the finger when he opens his mouth with some smartass comment. “You need to be patient. That doesn’t mean you can’t show your interest, but don’t go charging in there expecting to sweep her off her feet.”

  Lia’s words sink in and I nod as we all go back to our food.

  I can be patient . . . For a little while.

  After the incident in Dane’s arms, I have attempted to keep my distance and act nonchalant. True to their word, no one has mentioned or asked me about my panic attack, respecting my need to discuss it in my own time . . . Or not at all. However the inquisitive looks he sent my way lasted for several days.

  Following the incident, as I refer to it in my brain, the next few weeks I set about establishing a normal routine. I needed to settle into a familiar groove. Every evening I spend a couple of hours talking to Alex on the phone. He is doing his best to get up here quickly, but he figures it will be at least another week. The thought of seeing him makes me so happy; Alex is this pure and genuine soul. There is no one I have met that can bring me out of my darkest moment like he can, at least until Dane.

  Lia has made family breakfast mandatory with the threat of hogtying anyone who doesn’t show up and she would too. Dane insists on sitting next to me every morning and has invited me to go on several rides with him. He continues to flirt with me and has progressed from just verbally flirting to tucking my hair behind my ear or resting his hand on the small of my back as I leave a room.

  It’s been challenging not to give into the desire swirling through my veins, but I have successfully maintained my friend zone distance. Something tells me women don’t refuse Dane often, if at all and that by not falling at his feet I have become a challenge. If he continues pursuing me I don’t know if my resolve will last, especially with the soft touches, smoldering looks and the genuine interest he has in what I’m saying. I don’t think
any man has ever been able to make me weak in the knees, intensely turned on and valued all in one shot!

  Thinking back to four days ago, we went back to the clearing as a group for a picnic, when Dane suggested we play a game of touch football. Growing up with Ryan and Dane has made both Lia and I quite good with football but the guys still have speed and power on us. We split in half and Ryan chose me for his team. I had grown to recognize Dane’s expressions over the past few weeks and his face had smugness written all over it.

  We started the game and were pumped up. The score stayed close throughout the game. By the beginning of the fourth quarter, Ryan and I take the lead but Dane and Lia tied it up quickly. Ryan and I had the ball and we were trying to score the winning touchdown. Lia was stuck to my side guarding me, but we were getting closer and closer to the end zone. Ryan tossed me the ball and I was running as fast as I could to score a touchdown when Dane overtook me and tackled me to the ground. He curled his body underneath mine to cushion the fall before rolling me onto my back. We laid there for a while frozen as he looked into my eyes. Just thinking about it causes heat to flow through me like a wildfire.

  “I can’t let you score that touchdown,” he whispered, “I never give up and I never lose.” It felt like there was a double meaning to his words and I don’t enjoy feeling like a conquest. After whispering this to me he brushed his hands through my hair before lifting me up.

  The whole time he was laying on top of me it was all I could do to not rotate my hips into him and lean up to kiss him. If he wouldn’t have opened his mouth about not losing I probably would have. Part of me was glad he had given me that reality check but the other part, the little voice in the back of my mind taunting me, told me I had ruined a good opportunity to get him out of my system. The rest of that afternoon had passed quickly and without further temptation.