All About Us Page 10

  Thinking back to last night, I shudder at the memory of the screams coming from Emma. The pain radiating from her will haunt my dreams, especially knowing I brought them back. Then to be turned away by her, the pain and exhaustion in her eyes. It was a sword to the gut. Hasn’t she gone through enough? How could I believe she would be capable of that? Alex was right when he said I was being immature.

  I hear her front door shut softly and prepare myself to be told to go to hell. I prepare myself to see her close herself off from me. And I prepare myself to fight for her.

  Emma pads slowly to me and sits next to me. That’s a good sign.

  She’s worth it and I’m going to fix this.

  Quietly opening my front door, I pause to examine Dane. He is facing away from my house towards the horses, elbow resting on his knee and hand gripping his head. Seeing someone as confidant as Dane looking so defeated brings a flood of emotions to the surface. In the light of early morning, everything that has happened just makes me realize that the way Dane makes me feel is worth fighting for. Somewhere inside is the strength to fight and I’m going to be strong. I want to be strong.

  Shutting the door, I walk over and sit beside him. He runs his hand through his hair and looks over at me. Examining the look of remorse on his face makes my heart ache. His eyes look sad and his normal smirk is missing.

  Dane always looks a little mischievous, like he’s planning something, and to see it missing feels wrong. Gazing into his eyes I read the emotions flickering across them. Regret. Anger. Sadness. I’m positive the same emotions are being reflected back at him. Dane sighs while rubbing his hands down his face. Turning towards me, he brings his hand up and cups my cheek.

  “I’m so sorry Em.” Pressing his finger to my lips when I go to say something, he shakes his head. “No, let me finish. I should know you better than to assume the worst. Besides, I knew you were talking to a guy, I saw Alex call you your first night here and I still kissed you. If I was so worried about it, I should have clarified first. To not let you talk to me, that was the most childish thing I could have done and I understand if you want to take some steps back.”

  Pulling his hand away from me, he runs his palms over his knees and droops his head. Heart pounding, I dig deep to find some of the remains of the person I once was. I’ve spent too much time not trying since Mom and Dad died.

  Thinking of them and Grandpa looking down on me fills me with shame. I wish I could talk to Mom, no 23 year old should be missing that connection. The thought of Mom and Dad watching me, seeing how I’ve spent the time since they passed, fills me with a desire to try harder. These half assed attempts are not enough and I can imagine what they would be saying.

  Mom was always a romantic and she would tell me to take a leap, she always encouraged me not to let fear stand in my way. Just like she did when I started writing and wanted to finish University in an accelerated program. She told me nothing in life comes easily, at least nothing worthwhile. Mom told me that it would be a long, hard and emotional journey, I would have to make sacrifices and would change immensely because of those sacrifices.

  She also told me that if there was anyone who could do it, it was me. Her words resonate through me as I think back to that conversation. Taking my silence as confirmation that I want to step back, Dane sighs and starts to push off the ground. My hand darts out to rest on his forearm, stopping him from standing, as I finally do something to be proud of. For the first time in the better part of a year, I’m going to do more than blindly walk through life. I’m going to let go of my fear and live.

  “I don’t want to take a step back. I understand how it looked. I also know that since you were in my room last night that Alex set you straight. If you think about it, we hardly know each other anymore. It’s been 13 years Dane. We both have changed. I want to get to know you again.” Dane’s eyes light up and he smirks at me, pulling me into his arms for a hug. Exhaling softly, I settle into his embrace and enjoy the warmth that runs through my body.

  Burying my face into his neck, I hold back a grin when he groans at my breath on the sensitive spot by his ear. “We have a lot of catching up to do.” He says gruffly.

  “13 years’ worth.” I grin.

  “Let’s get started then.” He pulls me to my feet and into my house. Heart racing, my libido is disappointed when he pulls me through the house to my living room. He sits on the couch and pulls me down in front of him. Frowning as he ponders our position, he positions my legs onto each side of his hips so we’re facing each other. He moves his legs so they are the same and smirks at me when he is satisfied. Chuckling, I shake my head and wait to see where he is going with this.

  Reaching out he tucks a strand of hair behind my ear and takes a deep breath, I brace myself for what is to come because his look screams mischief.

  “What is your favorite color?” He asks, eyes twinkling.

  Gaping at him before bursting out laughing. “That was what this whole preamble was about? You want to know my favorite color?”

  “We’re getting to know each other.”

  Shaking my head at him, I respond,” My favorite color is turquoise.”

  “What is your favorite book?”

  “I can’t choose a favorite book! That’s like asking a parent to choose a favorite child.”

  “I’m my parent’s favorite.” He smirks at me and I roll my eyes.

  “My current favorite would have to be . . .” I think on it. It’s not an easy decision and changes day to day. “The Marked Men series by Jay Crownover. Don’t ask me which book in the series is my favorite, because I’m undecided.” He laughs at me.

  “I didn’t realize that one would be so difficult.” Stroking his chin, he looks at me pondering his next question.

  Jumping in I cut him off as he starts to ask another. “Hang on! You need to answer some too. This isn’t going to be one sided!” He nods in agreement. “What is your favorite color?” I should start him off easy.

  “I’m partial to a dark green. Like when you’re in the darkest part of the forest with only a few rays of sun to light your surroundings.” Nodding in agreement, I picture the land that surrounds us and the peace it brings. Yes, that color and its significance is one of my favorites too.

  “Have you read my books?” I grin at him. I’m sure he probably hasn’t. Not many men enjoy romance novels.

  “I have, and I’m eagerly waiting for the last book to come out. Whenever Lia was done reading, I would always borrow it from her.” Speechless at his admission, I smile shyly.

  “So you liked them?”

  “Liked them? I loved them! Who knew you were so funny?” Laughing when I smack him.

  “I have my moments.”

  “You’re great with physical comedy. I particularly enjoyed your water trough bit.”

  “That was humiliating.” Burying my face into my hands as I feel a blush spread through my cheeks.

  He pulls my hands away, “It was cute. Besides, you looked sexy standing there all wet.” He smirks at me as I blush even more.

  “My turn for a question. When did you meet Alex?”

  The mention of Alex has me wondering where he is, but I shake it off.

  “Alex and I met just under a year after we moved. He and his parents lived next door. We didn’t bond right away, his dad was resistant to him coming over, but we soon became inseparable. I think Dad and his mom had known each other before Mom and Dad met. Something like being in a class together.

  Anyways, Alex’s dad left them when Alex was 15 and he moved in with us a year later. I was 14. He is a brother to me in all sense of the word except for genetically. Mom and Dad treated him like a son and he has been my rock for as long as he has been in my life. I was his too.” The look of shame fills Dane’s eyes again. “Dane, don’t. You didn’t know and Lia said she had never really mentioned Alex to you. Let’s just move on from it.”

  “I’m still sorry. Lia told you what happened with Natalie. I think I was just
shocked. My mind shut down and I didn’t want to say or do something in anger that I would regret. I didn’t realize not allowing you to explain would be just as regretful.” Moving forward so I’m straddling his hips, I press my lips to his.

  “Stop.” The kiss was only meant to get him to quit dwelling on something we couldn’t change, but my body has been craving his and desire is distracting me from our game.

  Running my hands up his arms, I moan and press my lips more firmly onto his. He lets me set the pace for the kiss, it’s light and exploratory, but when I push my tongue into his mouth he takes over.

  Flipping me onto my back, he grabs my hands in his and pins them over my head. His grip is firm, but gentle and drives me crazy. Moaning as he grinds his hips into mine, I relish in the minty flavor of his mouth. He deepens the kiss and rests his body over mine, allowing me to feel his presence, but not crushing me.

  Rolling my hips into his, I can feel his cock straining against the zipper of his jeans. Trying to pull one of my hands from his grip, I groan in frustration when he firmly holds them in place. Dane chuckles at my irritation. Moving his lips from mine, he trails a blazing path of kisses to my ear and nips the lobe before whispering, “Not yet.” The man’s control is infuriating. His kisses drive me wild and I don’t want him to show such restraint, but I know this won’t be going any further if he maintains control.

  He starts to pull away and I wrap my legs around his waist. I’m not ready for this to end. He gave me a tease of a taste the last time and I’m not willing to let him this time. Something in me shifted today and I’m feeling stronger than I have since my parents died bringing my world crashing down.

  Using the strength in my legs I pull his hips down until they are flush with mine. Running my tongue along his jaw, nibbling here and there, I make my way up to his ear.

  “We’ll see.”

  I continue to nip and tease him, grinding my hips against his and I feel his control waver. Grinning victoriously when he lets my hands go, I start to run them down his sides to the bottom of his shirt. Mistaking the release of my hands as surrender, I loosen the hold of my legs. Dane looks into my eyes, smirks, and pulls away.

  Burying my face into the pillow on the couch, I scream in frustration.

  “You’re such a tease!” I glare at him. He pulls me in for a kiss and grins at me.

  “We have chores to do.” With that, I’m pulled to my feet and towards the door. Looking at the clock, I sigh and realize he is right. The horses will be hungry as I’m late feeding them.

  Once on the porch Dane kisses me lightly on the lips.

  “I have a lot of work to do around the ranch, but I will see you later.” Watching him walk away does nothing to calm my libido. Sighing, I make my way over to the horses and wonder how I’m going to make the day go by quickly.

  Riding through the property once the remainder of the chores are complete, I decide to pay a visit to my old treehouse and hang out for a bit. Resisting Emma is challenging, but I don’t want to rush her, not that she seems to be hesitant. The fact that she forgave me so readily was shocking and getting to know her again has been pleasant and surprising.

  Charger and I arrive at the treehouse and I release him into the small pen that still stands in the trees, allowing him a rest and time to graze. Checking the ladder, I’m impressed to see it’s sturdy and I climb up it, crawling in the small door. Considering it has been years since I came here, it’s in remarkably good condition.

  Settling in, I can’t help but pull my phone out and text Emma.

  Me: Favorite game?

  Her response comes quickly and it makes me smile. Almost as though she was waiting for me.

  Emma: Cards Against Humanity.

  Me: I’ve never played before.

  Emma: What? You have got to be joking! We are going to have a game night and play Cards Against Humanity.

  What is your favorite song?

  Me: Radioactive by Imagine Dragons.

  Favorite slow song?

  Emma: I love that song. Imagine Dragons is one of my favorite bands.

  Favorite slow song . . . probably Beside You by Marianas Trench.

  Me: Downloading.

  I find it in iTunes and download the song. As I impatiently wait for it to download I try to think of other questions to ask. My phone dings as a text comes in and I eagerly check it to see what question she asks.

  Jesse: Notice put in. I can start in a couple of weeks.

  Me: That’s good news! I want to start clearing some trees and could use the help.

  Smiling, I’m glad I could help ease some of Jesse’s stress. He seemed off the other night and maybe by spending more time with him I can get him to tell me what’s going on. The song finishes downloading so I lay down, turn it on and close my eyes. It finishes and I play it again, the lyrics resonate within me and I love it.

  Me: Great song!

  Emma doesn’t respond right away and curiosity gets the best of me. I need to see what she’s doing.

  It takes no time to come up to the back of the barn and put Charger in his pen. Walking through the barn, I see Emma is riding with Alex. Despite knowing he is like her brother, jealousy is still at the forefront as I watch them together. I need to make an effort and hopefully he won’t hate me since I plan on being Emma’s forever.

  My feet start moving me towards her and I watch as she talks and laughs with Alex. Their interactions are so similar to the way siblings act, remorse fills me as I realize the time I missed out on and the damage to our relationship with someone she considers family. Whatever price I have to pay for my stupidity, I’m willing to pay it.

  Stopping to stand at the fence, I watch Emma as she rides Belle. Together they are beautiful to watch. She is very focused and doesn’t see me standing there.

  Impatiently, I wait for her to see me, I’ve finally thought of a question.

  “Alex! Remember to align your body in the saddle. You want to sit up straight, but be relaxed.”

  “Yes! I’m trying to remember everything, but it’s a lot!”

  “You’re doing great! I will make a cowboy of you yet!” He nudges Chandler into a trot, and works on posting correctly. Alex is a natural. He says it’s from watching me ride all these years. I told him to stop sucking up. Just watching him ride has me itching to get in the saddle, but I want to give Serenity the day off. Belle has been sound since Lia started working on her three days a week. Glancing at Alex I determine I’m okay to quickly saddle up Belle and join him for the last bit of his lesson.

  Walking her into the ring, I quickly get her ready.

  “He’s doing remarkably well considering he hasn’t put in much time.” Turning at the sound of Lia’s voice, I grin as she watches him. I see interest in how she tracks him and when she sees me watching her she carefully tries to hide it, I know better than to say anything.

  “Yeah, once he let Serenity go the other day, he realized how much fun it can be. He’s a natural.” Swinging up onto Belle, I warm her up and go through the stretches.

  “The massage therapy is working wonders on Belle! I wish you would let me pay you.”

  “Psh, no. It’s my pleasure.” Lia watches Belle warm up before returning her gaze back to Alex. Her dark brown hair flows down her shoulders indicating she has the day off. She’s still in her jeans, tank top and boots though. It’s no wonder we get along so well. We’ve both been raised in the barn, enjoying time outdoors rather than playing dress up inside. Although we both know how to clean up well when we want to.

  “Anyways, I came by to see if we could do girls night this weekend. I have a feeling we will have much to catch up on by then.” She winks at me. Grinning back at her happily, I shrug my shoulders.

  “Absolutely. I will kick Alex to his room and we can veg out.” She smiles at me, glances back at Alex, before heading towards her house, waving over her shoulder. “Make sure you’re at breakfast tomorrow! I don’t plan on being lenient any longer.” Laughing at her,
I kick Belle into a quick walk and make my way towards Alex. He is staring after Lia, a pensive look on his face.

  “Like what you see?” He turns to me and grins when he sees the smile on my face. Rather than answering me, he starts loping with Chandler and I quickly follow suit.

  Alex has never been one to talk much about the women he sees or takes interest in. He also has never committed to one woman for long periods of time. Lynn was the only woman who lasted longer than six months and she ruined that with her jealousy towards me. He’s never said it aloud, but I think he worries that he will turn out like his father.

  Alex admitted to me after he had moved in that his father was never faithful to his mother and he left her to go start a new family with the woman he had been seeing since Alex was eight years old. He hadn’t been the warmest man to start with, but after we had moved in next door, he became even colder. Alex has been skittish of committing to anyone, never opening up about his history, as though it makes him tainted or unworthy. Shaking my head, I know one day someone special will show him how amazing he is.

  “Let’s cool him down. You’re doing great Alex!”

  Alex grins at me and slows Chandler to a walk. “How did I not realize how fun and therapeutic this is until now?”

  “Because you’re so damn stubborn!” I tease. Laughing, he nods in agreement. We both get so stubborn when we set our minds to something. It’s been purely coincidental that we usually agree and therefore have never gotten into a fight.

  Alex hops off Chandler and walks him around. Turning my attention to Belle, I lean down to stroke her neck, whispering lovingly to her.

  Nudging her into a trot, I relish in the smoothness of her gait. Lia truly has worked miracles with her since starting the massage therapy treatment on her. She feels better than she has in years. I’m so focused on Belle that I don’t notice Dane at the fence until I hear him clear his throat. Smiling, I walk Belle over to him. He leans against the fence, dirt and sweat showing how hard he has worked in the few hours since I’ve seen him.