All About Us Page 11

  Dane grins up at me, “Favorite dessert?”

  This random game of twenty questions has been enjoyable and I keep wracking my brain for things to ask. “Raspberry swirl chocolate cheesecake, which you should know.” This has been my favorite dessert since I was a child, but I guess it’s not fair to assume things are still the same.

  Nodding, he starts to walk away. Shaking my head, I call after him, “You came all the way over here for one question?”

  “For now. I have to get back to work. I have some paperwork to do, my new ranch hand is starting in a couple of weeks.” Smirking at me, he walks backwards towards the house.

  “Wait! I get a question!” He saunters back to the fence and looks up at me expectantly. “What’s your favorite movie?”

  “Hmmm. Comedy, Without A Paddle. Action, The Bourne Series.” He winks, then turns to walk away, typing on his phone. “Oh, you may want to check your phone.” With that, he walks to his house, my eyes glued to his perfect ass until he disappears in the door. What a tease. Dismounting from Belle, I pull my phone from my bra and slide my finger across the screen. Jaw dropping, I lean into Belle and grip the saddle horn as I read his text.

  Dane: Favorite sexual position?

  When I’m finally able to close my jaw, I type back and hit send before I can second guess myself.

  Me: You’re just going to have to figure that out yourself.

  Dane: Challenge accepted.

  Butterflies fill my gut at the thought of what that entails and I squeeze my legs to try and contain the ache in my core.

  “Why so flushed?” Alex’s voice makes me jump and I tuck my phone back into my bra preventing him from reading over my shoulder. He laughs and shakes his head as he pulls the saddle off Chandler. “I’m glad you talked things out. I guess this means I should try to talk to the guy aside from yelling at him and threatening him?”

  “We all make mistakes. I think you will get along. Let’s not dwell.” He walks over and hugs me before lifting both saddles and carrying them to the tack room alongside the house.

  “You look better than you did this morning.” Ryan sits down in one of the chairs in my office, looking at me as I work on catching up the books, Lia is sprawled in the other one, nose buried in a book.

  “Yeah, it was an eye opening evening and morning.” I know my siblings aren’t impressed with me and neither would my parents be if they knew how I behaved. I’m grateful they are on holiday so I only need to deal with Lia and Ryan.

  “Serves you right. I can’t believe you would think that of Emma. Or me for that matter, I would have told you if she wasn’t available.” Lia has been shooting daggers at me since I came into the house, following me around the house in order to remind me of how I’ve disappointed her. Sighing, I set my pen down and look at them both.

  “Hindsight is twenty-twenty. I know I fucked up, and I’m sorry for my behavior. Emma and I have sorted it out, can we please move on?” They both nod and I grin at them. “I hired Jesse as a ranch hand. He seems really unhappy, I’m hoping if he is happier at work the rest will get better too.”

  “Fantastic, we needed someone and that means I can book more clients.” Ryan pushes out of the chair and walks out the door.

  I check my phone and sigh when there is no text back from Emma. Her response had been flirty, but I can’t help but worry that as the day progresses she will pull away from me.

  “She’s writing right now.” Lia looks up from her book.

  “Oh. That’s good.” My gut still has a sinking feeling and it’s all I can do to not go over there.

  “Finish what you’re doing and go surprise her. I know you want to see her. If you like I can get Alex out of the house.” She smiles at me and I know I’m forgiven for my behavior.

  “Should I be giving him the big brother talk?”

  “I’m pretty sure he is older than you. And no. I’m not looking for a relationship. You know that.”

  “You need to move on at some point.”

  “I will, nothing wrong with enjoying my freedom. I’ll head over there at six and take Alex out. We can go to Linger. That will give you some time.” Closing her book, she looks at the clock on the wall and leaves the room.

  Quickly finishing what I was working on, I run upstairs to my bathroom to get ready. It’s time to start my challenge.

  Creases cross my forehead as I type furiously on my keyboard. The words are flowing and I’m taking advantage of a quiet afternoon to get some work done. Alex sits on the opposite end of the couch, our feet tangled in the middle with Chloe sprawled out over our legs as we work with intense focus. Pausing, I read through the last paragraph I wrote to make sure it’s moving the direction I want and connects with what I have already written.

  I’ve decided to run with the story that is reminiscent of my experiences this past year and I find it to be cathartic sitting here writing out the battle of emotions that feel ever at war in my mind. Alex has read bits of it as I go and he stated he thinks it’s one of the most raw and powerful stories I’ve ever told. I don’t have the courage to tell him I’m not sure I will publish it.

  It feels too personal, especially the aspects that align with the shift in my relationship with Dane, but this is one more thing I am at war with myself over. Sighing, my mind flits through what feels like a never ending internal battle. Now that my brain has had time to think about things it has gone back to the darkness that constantly tries to take over. Despite the determination I felt during the day, as I sit and lose myself in my thoughts I can feel it fading and I’m struggling to pull it back.

  “That’s a heavy sigh.” Alex raises his hazel eyes to meet my gaze. They hold concern and it’s one of those times I wish he didn’t know me so well.

  “I feel like it’s a lost cause.”

  “What is?”

  “Me. My emotions. My weakness. The constant fear that I’m still waiting for the other shoe to drop. These things come in three’s and I’m waiting for the third and final strike that will break me.”

  “Johnathan wasn’t the third?”

  “He was an inevitability. I think he had just been waiting until I didn’t have any fight in me. Besides, we were only together for a few months.” Rolling my eyes at the thought of that weak man. Realistically we never would have worked, I had been drawing away from him before shit hit the fan in my life because he had no pull on me. Pre chaos I had the courage to go for what I wanted and let go of what didn’t work. I had never fully let him in because I needed to see if he was worthy, the lack of effort on his part to get to know me was apparent.

  Dane on the other hand has been like a high powered magnet, drawing me towards him in the irresistible manner he has mastered. Our history and his interest in me has permeated the walls I’ve built and it’s terrifying.

  “I’m not ready for people to see inside the scary place that is my brain. What if they can’t handle it, especially if I don’t get better?”

  “Emma, every day here is a small battle won. I see more of your old self here than I have in months. You have more life to you. It’s a day by day journey, and those people over there, they are in it for the long haul. Let them break your walls, let HIM break your walls and you may be surprised at the outcome. Better yet, open the gate and let them in.”

  “I will try.” I don’t know if I can. Alex looks at me and the empathy that fills his eyes speaks volumes about what he sees in me. Nudging him in the knee with my toe. “What about you? Are you going to open the gate and let anyone in?” He shrugs infuriatingly and grins at me.

  “You know me, it’s going to have to be someone damn determined to bust her way in for that to happen.” Reaching over I squeeze his foot. He and I aren’t so different in how closed off we are.

  Returning to my laptop I let my mind zone in on my story and lose myself once again. The world quiets and all I hear is the click click click as I type the words that fill my head. It never ceases to amaze me when the words flow. Every time
I finish writing a book I always think that it may be the last one. Will the stories run out? I don’t know if that will happen but until it does I appreciate my ability to do what I love every day.

  This is something I once took for granted. Watching my world crash around me as I lost three of the most important people in my life has changed that. There is nothing that I can take for granted; it could be gone in a second.

  Pouring the emotions I feel constantly tug-of-warring inside through my fingertips and onto the keyboard, watching the words flow and not really seeing them. Green eyes fill my mind and my thoughts wander to the man who has managed to chisel away at me. I hear what Alex is saying, open the gate and let him in. Take that leap of faith. Don’t take his interest for granted, he may not want to continue to slowly work away at my defenses.

  What does it say about me that I want to test him and see if he is willing? When did I transition from the carefree little girl that used to be here to the reserved, guarded and cautious woman who sits in the living room we used to build forts in? If I’m honest with myself, it was before the accident, but I can’t pin point when that change happened.

  Pinching the bridge of my nose I try and shift my thoughts. Today has been a good day, I need to remember that it’s okay to try and forget everything else for a while. Live in the moment.

  Closing my eyes, I lean into the couch and rest my head. It’s time to change things and that is going to start right now. No more dwelling and no more second guesses. It’s time to take risks outside of my books, outside of the freedom I feel with my horse. Maybe it’s time to take a risk with my heart.

  Opening my eyes, I return to my manuscript with new vigor and soon lose myself in the words once again.

  “Hey guys.” Startled by Lia’s voice, I look up from my laptop to where she is standing in the kitchen. She looks stunning in her cowboy boots, jeans and a purple V-neck top.

  “Hey Lia. Sorry, I was in the zone.” Looking over at Alex, his brows are furrowed as he types. He has no idea that Lia is here, this should be good. I kick him and he looks up at me, glasses askew on his face. “Lia’s here.”

  Alex turns to where I’m looking and waves at Lia, turning slightly back to his computer before doing a double take. Barely suppressing my laughter, I watch the two of them eye each other. If it were possible, I swear sparks would be flying.

  “Hey Alex. I was going to go to Linger, a pub not too far from here, and I thought you might like to join me.” Lia’s voice is strong, but I see the nervousness behind the question.

  “Yeah, sounds great. I need to get away from the computer for a bit.” Alex shuts his laptop and sets it on the table, placing his glasses on top before standing. “Just give me a minute to change.”

  Lia takes his place on the couch and pulls my feet into her lap. “How are you?”

  “I’m better. I’m glad Dane and I worked through that disaster.”

  “He should have known better.” Lia’s voice fills with disgust at her brother. I shut my laptop and set it aside.

  “Lia, he reacted as he did because it looked bad. Was it the best way to handle it? No. But who am I to judge. I’m allowing my life to fall apart because I’ve experienced a loss. I’ve had a lot of time to think and I’m going to try to finally get better. Anyways, let’s talk about that later. You look hot! Is this a date?” Waggling my brows at her, I burst into laughter at the horror that fills her face.

  “No! Oh shit, do you think he thinks it’s a date? I don’t date. Ugh.” Lia’s voice is panicked and it makes me laugh harder.

  “I’m sure he knows it’s not a date. If you like, I could come along to be certain.”

  “No! No. It’s okay. You stay home and get some writing done. How’s the book coming?” She abruptly changes the subject and I wonder why she doesn’t want me to come, but her question distracts me and I start squirming.

  Looking at her guiltily, she narrows her eyes and crosses her arms. “I may have started writing something totally different.”

  “You artists! I never will understand you. I can wait and I’m sure whatever you’re writing will be amazing!” Alex comes back into the room, his dark wash jeans and t-shirt hugging his muscles, he’s sliding his wallet into his back pocket and smiles at us. Lia gapes a bit before collecting herself.

  “Okay, see you later.” Hugging her, I wink at Alex and he rolls his eyes.

  “Love you both!”

  The front door shuts and I grab my laptop, opening it to my story and start typing again.

  Lia and Alex drive down the driveway, taillights barely disappearing before I’m out the door. The door is unlocked and I walk in, Emma has scolded me for knocking one too many times and I don’t want to revisit that argument.

  Her office is empty so I loop around through the kitchen and into the living room. Emma is sprawled out on the couch, laptop sitting on her thighs and her back arched in what looks to be a ridiculously uncomfortable position. Her eyes are glued to her screen as her fingers fly over the keyboard and I use this opportunity to watch her work.

  Her long hair is piled on top of her head and she is wearing that Mario t-shirt from the other night. I teased her about how she looked, but the truth is, she looks damn sexy. She has a cute crease between her brows as she stops typing, she lifts her eyes and I grin when she finally realizes I’m in the room.

  “Shit! You startled me!” She smiles as I take a seat at her feet. “What brings you by?”

  “I wanted to see you. Work away, I will sit and wait until you’re done.” She looks torn, but she starts typing again, moaning when I start massaging one of her feet.

  We sit like this for a while and it feels so right. I switch to the other foot, making sure I pay just as much attention as I did to the first. Emma shuts her laptop and sets it on the table, leaning her head back and watching me.

  “What would you do if you won a million dollars?”

  She ponders my question for a bit, but when Chloe bumps her hand with her nose she looks at me. “I would start a rescue for bully breeds. They are so misunderstood and if I had that much money at my disposal I could help the animals and spend time educating people.” Guilt floods me as once again she demonstrates what an amazing person she is. We lost days because of my ego and I regret that.

  “If you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be?” Emma’s voice cuts into my thoughts and I look at her confused.

  “Is that a serious question?”

  “Yes. Stop looking so serious. We’re moving forward.” She actually waggles her finger at me. Laughing, I raise my hands in surrender and think about trees.

  “I’ve really never put any thought into it. I don’t know what kind of tree I would be, but I know what you would be. You are like a willow tree. They are flexible, bending in the wind and under the weight of snow but it takes a lot to break them. They are deceptive looking in their grace which hides their inner strength. You remind me of a willow tree, except the only one underestimating your strength is you.”

  Her jaw drops and her eyes search mine as she grasps for something to say. We watch each other in silence, I want her to really think about what I’m saying.

  She wrings her hands together, fidgeting as she battles whatever is going on inside. Sitting here, not pulling her into my arms physically hurts, my muscles twitching to move her into me but I fight myself. The moment she has worked through her thoughts is clear, her eyes are vibrant and her face shows a sereneness that has been missing since she fell back into my life.

  Shifting on the couch, I wrap my arms around her waist pulling her over so she’s sitting in my lap. Emma lays her head on my chest, her breaths matching my heartbeat.

  “If I’m a willow tree, you’re a spruce tree. Regardless of the season you provide enduring care and shelter to those you love. Even when pushed to the brink, you weather the storm.” Her soft voice breaks the quiet and I hold her tighter to me.

  Clinging to each other, I lift her chin and gently kiss he
r lips. She smiles at me and my lips lift in return, the seriousness of the moment passing as we both release the tension still plaguing us from this morning. I have failed to weather the storm once and I will never make that mistake again.

  “Most embarrassing moment?” My lips twitch as a blush spreads in her cheeks.

  “You’re never going to let me live that down are you?” Her hands press against her face and she scrunches her nose at me.

  “Live what down?” My stomach shudders with repressed laughter as she pouts at me.

  “Falling into that damn water trough was my most humiliating moment. I think ever!” Emma’s head drops as she tries to hide her gaze. No longer able to contain my laughter, she looks up at me eyes narrowed and sticks out her tongue.

  “What about that time you did a cartwheel and your pants tore? Or what about the time you cut your own hair at it stuck straight out in the front?” Her face scrunches up even more as I list things and she tries to move back to the other side of the couch, but I wrap my arms tightly around her holding her in place. Her playful struggles are arousing me and my hands itch to pin her down again, instead I hold her close until she stills.

  “Why? Why remember those moments? Ugh, those were bad, but I was a kid. Now I’m an adult with apparently very little awareness of my surroundings.” Emma starts laughing with me. The throaty sound is so sexy it takes my breath away. My laughter dies as I watch her eyes glisten with humor at herself.

  All shreds of self-control I had been maintaining snap and I flip her onto her back, laying over her and press my lips to hers. A soft moan escapes her lips and I push into her harder, deepening the kiss and devouring her. There is no stopping this time.

  Tangling my hands into Dane’s hair, I suck his lip into my mouth before biting it gently. The growl that rips from his chest is pure sex and I’m dripping wet. If he pulls away from me this time I will not be held accountable for my actions.