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  All About Hope

  All or Nothing

  Ashley Erin

  Published by Ashley Erin, 2016.

  This is a work of fiction. Similarities to real people, places, or events are entirely coincidental.

  ALL ABOUT HOPE

  First edition. September 13, 2016.

  Copyright © 2016 Ashley Erin.

  Written by Ashley Erin.

  Copyright © 2016 by Ashley Erin

  ISBN 978–0-9939691–4-0

  Cover Design by Kari Ayasha with Cover to Cover Designs

  Model: Cody Johnvin

  Photographer: Chelsea Jones with Vitality Images Photography

  Editing by Missy Borucki and Jessica Grover

  Interior Design: Integrity Formatting

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing.

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to any actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental. The author acknowledges the trademarked status and trademark owners of various products referenced in this work of fiction, which have been used without permission. The publication/use of these trademarks is not authorized, associated with, or sponsored by the trademark owner. All rights reserved.

  All or Nothing series

  All About Us

  All About Hope

  Rule series

  The No Asshole Rule

  The No Bad Boy Rule

  Standalones

  without walls

  Visit Ashley Erin’s website for information on new releases

  www.ashleyerinauthor.com

  You can also find her on

  Facebook

  www.facebook.com/authorashleyerin

  Twitter

  @Ashley_Erin21

  Instagram

  @ashleyerin21

  To Andrea.

  Thank you for your immense support and love for these characters.

  You have no idea how much it means to me.

  Also by Ashley Erin

  Dedication

  Prologue

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Epilogue

  Acknowledgements

  About the Author

  Music blasts through the dock on the counter, playing the playlist I threw together this afternoon. Dane proposed to Emma this morning and we surprised her with an intimate engagement party. It’s now in full swing with champagne flowing. The finger foods disappeared over an hour ago, but when I went to make more I was shuffled away from the fridge and handed a drink.

  Emma and Dane are laughing with my parents, while Jesse, Ashton, Ryan, and Alex are huddled near the makeshift bar. Of course, we’re all congregated in the kitchen despite my efforts to move the party to the living room. That’s just how my family is; besides, I love this kitchen. It’s huge.

  Pouring myself a fresh glass of champagne, I whistle loudly to get everyone’s attention. When all eyes are on me, I lift my glass.

  “To Emma and Dane, the two of you fit together like missing pieces of a puzzle. I’m so glad you’ve found your way to each other.

  “Emma, Dane knew early on that you were the one for him. Despite the circumstances that brought you back to us, I’m so glad you’re here and officially joining the family. Congrats on your engagement, and I will be eagerly awaiting my Maid of Honor request!” Raising my hand, I fight the tears threatening to fall.

  The friend I’ve always considered more of a sister is glowing, a complete one-eighty to the woman she was only months ago. My pain in the ass brother can’t take his eyes off her, their love radiates from them.

  She winks at me, mouthing, “I love you.” Propping myself onto a bar stool, I sip my champagne as everyone talks over each other. Some may think it is too fast, they’ve only been together for a few months, but Dane has loved Emma for so long that they couldn’t be a better fit. Besides, I’ve always felt when you know a person is right for you, it doesn’t matter how much time passes.

  Sighing, I down the rest of my drink and reach over to grasp the near empty bottle of champagne, refilling my glass. Seeing them so happy reminds me how lonely I am. It’s self-inflicted, but sometimes I miss the feeling of intimacy and companionship that having a partner or a lover gives. It’s been two years, maybe I’m ready to let someone in again.

  My eyes are drawn to Alex; they usually are. He’s talking to Ryan on the other side of the kitchen, but his eyes are on me. My stomach flutters, anticipation building as we stare at each other. There has been this draw to him since the moment my eyes landed on him six months ago, pissed off and in a state of undress. Smiling to myself as I remember him seething, dragging Dane out of the house, I straighten in my seat as the man who takes up way too much space in my head says something to Ryan and then makes his way towards me.

  Standing up and pushing away from the stool, I lean against the counter as he comes to stand next to me. I always feel like I’m more prepared to handle our usual banter when I’m standing. It never goes anywhere, despite my best efforts.

  “Take it easy, the night’s just beginning.” Alex leans in close, his soft cologne enveloping me. Swallowing hard, I shift away trying to ignore the way my body comes to life whenever he’s near. The draw I feel terrifies me, and I need some distance so I’m not disappointed when our flirting goes nowhere.

  Eyeing him up and down, he looks amazing in dark-wash jeans and a black button-up shirt, I smirk as I take a small sip. “Better?”

  His responding grin ignites the small flames in my stomach into a blazing inferno, his smile is one of the things that I find the most attractive about him. And when he looks at me, it widens just a bit showing off his perfect teeth. It’s his “Lia” smile, the one I don’t think he knows exists. He presses his lips to my ear and says, “Much.” Alex straightens to his full height, his arm pressing into mine as we watch our friends celebrating. My body feels like I’m touching a live wire, electricity shooting throughout my limbs. “You look stunning tonight.”

  Tilting my head up to look at him, the smile forming is unstoppable. The strapless dress is a simple black number, but I almost had to sew it onto my body it’s so damn tight. “You’re not looking too bad yourself.”

  Relaxing as we fall into the familiar pattern of shameless flirting, time passes in a blur. I’m exhausted by the time Emma, Dane, Alex, and myself are the only ones remaining in the kitchen. I love my family, but I’ve been up since five this morning. Glancing at the clock, I groan internally when I see it is two in the morning. I have to be up by six at the latest.

  Laughing as Emma shimmies over to me and grabs my hand, I grin at Alex as she spins me in a circle. Her face is flushed with the amount of champagne she has consumed. “Dane and I are leaving, Maid of Honor.” Laughing, we hug before they head back over to Emma’s house, leaving Alex and me alone.

  Glancing at him out of the corner of my eye, I grab a pile of dishes and set them in the sink. I’m too
aware of him. He turns off the music, the silence deafening. His hand covers mine as I go to turn on the tap, his body pressing in behind me. My hearts stutters before taking off at a thunderous pace when the heat of his breath teases the sensitive skin below my neck. The only sound in the room is our breathing. It’s completely erotic. “What do you think you’re doing?” His whisper makes me shiver.

  It takes me a moment to respond, my pulse erratic from the feel of his lips on my neck when he spoke, and I know my voice will give away just how much he is impacting me. When I feel under control, I finally open my lips to respond.

  “Cleaning up?” Mentally smacking myself, I straighten my body and look at him over my shoulder. Our lips are mere inches apart and my eyes are drawn to his mouth, before flicking back to his laughing hazel eyes. “I wanted to get a head start on cleaning up.”

  “Leave it, everyone said they would be back to help in the morning.” He closes his hand around mine, spinning me to face him. His arms cage me against the counter, my heart pounds in a tremulous rhythm as I search his eyes when he presses his body into mine. We’ve never crossed any kind of physical boundaries before, and I can’t help but hope that he’s finally lost control. A control I’ve been pushing at for months.

  The heat that always surrounds us crackles in the air, my breath is coming in short bursts as I watch him war with himself.

  Running my hands up his arms, loving the way his muscles move underneath my palms, I wrap my arms around his neck and press my body into his. Tilting my chin up, I look into his eyes and wait for him to decide.

  He growls deep in his throat, his eyes flaring. The air whooshes out of me as his lips crash onto mine, devouring me with the hunger of a man who can no longer restrain himself.

  Dropping the stack of magazines onto Emma’s kitchen counter, I gratefully accept the cup of coffee she thrusts into my hands. Breathing in the comforting aroma, I take an appreciative sip and breathe out a sigh. God, that’s good.

  “Okay, it’s been six months since Dane proposed to you and we have yet to make any real headway, so I’m not leaving here until we at least decide on a venue.” Propping myself onto one of the bar stools sitting at her island, I start flipping through one of the magazines. “Why did you want actual magazines? You know you can find all this stuff online, right? Pinterest is a wonderful invention, and it’s free.”

  “I know. I just like the idea of having something to hold in my hands. We can use Pinterest too. And picking a venue is easier said than done, everything around here is booked up so far in advance, and none of it fits us.” She sits beside me, leaning in as I pause on a stunning Grecian style wedding dress. “If you ever get married, that style would look incredible on you. Not with your cowboy hat and boots, though. I forbid it.”

  “Em, we’re discussing your actual wedding, not my ‘theoretical, probably never gonna happen’ wedding.” A shadow falls over the counter, drawing our eyes up until we’re both looking at Alex. My heart takes off. God, he looks and smells so good.

  “Alex, don’t you think this dress would look incredible on Lia?” Emma jumps up, giving him a peck on the cheek before topping off her coffee.

  He lowers his eyes from where they were locked on mine to the dress on the glossy page. My eyes are drawn to his throat as he swallows before turning away from me and sticking his head in the fridge without answering Emma’s question.

  Dropping my eyes to the magazine, I casually turn the pages without actually seeing anything. I hate feeling like this. Grabbing my coffee, I down the rest of it to ground myself. I’m not this fucking girl.

  “Well?” I tilt my chin up, glaring at Em when she presses, before continuing to flip the pages and ignore the man whose eyes I can feel burning into me. Why bother making eye contact, as soon as I look at him he’s just going to look away anyways.

  “Lia looks good in anything she wears, so I’m sure she would look beautiful.” With that, he leaves the room as quickly as he came in. It’s been this way ever since the night we celebrated Emma and Dane’s engagement.

  The same night we gave in to the heat and had the best sex I’ve ever experienced. And sex with Alex is an experience. I haven’t been alone in a room with him since then, and I’m not stupid, I know he’s avoiding me.

  Quite frankly, I’m really pissed off about it. Before that night, we used to have fun together and I feel like I’ve lost a friend. I thought after the initial awkwardness went away things would get back to normal, but it’s still the same. I know he’s worried about upsetting me, but the loss of our easy friendship hurts.

  “Sorry, Lia, I don’t know what his issue is.”

  I stare at a gorgeous dress, pretending to be immersed in the intricate details of the beads on the bodice as I collect myself before meeting her apologetic gaze. “No worries. Maybe he’s just having the world’s longest manstruation. We should write in to the Guinness Book of World Records.”

  Emma throws her head back, her laugh echoing loudly through the kitchen. “He has been excessively moody since we announced our engagement.” She frowns, creases marring her forehead. “It’s probably not easy for him. For so long, we only had each other, now he knows I don’t need him in quite the same way. He can’t hide behind me anymore, using me as an excuse to not look for something more in his life than work and our friendship.”

  “Do you think he has feelings for you?”

  Almost falling out of her chair at that, Emma’s laughs wrack her body to the point I’m worried she’s going to hurt herself. “Oh my God, NO. Gross, he’s as much a brother to me as Dane and Ryan are to you. The same goes for the way he looks at me. There has never even been an inkling. That would just be wrong.”

  Even though I knew this, I’m still relieved. Emma continues to ponder what could be bothering him as we mark pages that we like in the wedding magazines. I feel guilty for not opening up to her, but it was a one-night thing. Clearly, since Alex can’t even be in the same room as me. The heat between us has only escalated for me since that night, the ache in my body for the pleasure of his touch flaring every time we lock eyes, but apparently one time was enough for him.

  Actually, I don’t think that’s true. I can read him pretty well, I think he’s scared of letting someone in. Letting something meaningful develop, but I never said I wanted anything more from him. And now that night haunts my dreams. A constant reminder of something in my life that I had momentarily let myself hope that one night would become more.

  Trying to shake thoughts of my non-existent “whatever” with Alex, I force myself to focus instead on my best friend. This afternoon is about her.

  Closing my eyes, I try to picture the perfect place for her and Dane to get married. It needs to be close to home and rustic. It should be open, and we should have the ability to decorate it however we want.

  The list of places available disappears rapidly as I ponder what they would like, until one glaringly obvious option remains. Why didn’t I think of this before?

  “Em, I’m a fucking genius! What if we cover the sand in the large arena and decorate it with flowers, lights, and whatever other decorations you decide you want. It’s rustic, we know there’s enough room, and then there is no rush to clean up the space after, plus you don’t have to book it ridiculously far in advance, so you can have the wedding whenever you want.”

  She closes the magazine she is flipping through with a slap of her hand. “Why didn’t I think of that? It’s brilliant! All of the places we’ve been looking at are booking over a year from now. I don’t want to wait that long.” Leaning over, she wraps her arm around my shoulders, squeezing.

  “I’m not always just a hat rack.” Laughing, I pull a notepad over and we start sketching ideas, and jotting notes about decorations.

  Ollie runs to the end of the arena, waiting for my cue. Kicking my heels out, I say, “Whoa.” He slides to a stop, the tracks he’s left behind are straight and true.

  After leaving Emma’s house an hour ago,
I desperately needed to get my mind off weddings, and relationships, and stupid men who fuck me and then avoid me after giving me a taste of something I forgot I desperately needed.

  So, I saddled Ollie and have been going through some reining patterns. Show season is upon us, the first in just over a month, and I want to be sure we’re ready.

  Lifting my right rein, I roll my spur into his left flank. He spins on the spot, the room around us blurring with the speed of the spin. Stopping him, I let him rest a moment before lifting my left rein and this time rolling my spur into his right flank. He spins in the opposite direction, the tightness of the circle envied by many.

  Ollie is eight years old and has been my reining horse since we entered the Futurity, the chance for first time reining horses to show what they have and win big, when he was three years old. In the five years I’ve had him, the bond we’ve formed is envied both in and out of the arena. He will be with me until the day he dies, despite offers of tens of thousands of dollars to buy him.

  Patting Ollie on his neck, I frown when I see Alex through the large windows at the end of the arena. Everything I’ve been trying to clear my head of comes back with a vengeance. It really bothers me that Alex initiated what happened that night, and then proceeded to avoid me like I’m a carrier of the plague.

  I didn’t ask him to pin me against the counter and kiss me with an explosive passion that still has my body thrumming six months later. Nor did I ask him to wrap my legs around his waist and fuck me until I had the most earth shattering orgasm I’ve ever experienced.

  Growling, I nudge Ollie into a canter, circling the arena working on lead changes until we are both covered in a sheen of sweat. I love the speed of this sport, and the connection between horse and rider. It’s a testament to how frustrated I am that I don’t feel better after a solid hour of working.