Why Not Me? Read online

  Her thumb runs over mine as her smile reaches her eyes. “I would love that.”

  We dig into our meal, the awkward moment gone as we talk about her new cat. Allie was approved to adopt a special needs cat from a local rescue.

  “When are you allowed to pick him up?”

  “He needs to go for a vet check, just to ensure they know he has a new owner and to refill his medication. I think that’s two days from now, so in a few days.” She beams at me, her excitement palpable.

  “I don’t have any clients that evening, if you want some company and help getting him settled into your place—” I leave the question hanging, not wanting to intrude.

  Allie’s smile is so bright, she lights up the room. “I would love that!”

  “It’s a date.” I return her smile. It feels amazing to be able to plan these things and not worry about anything or anyone else.

  We finally leave the restaurant when they tell us they’re closing. We’re the last two people, aside from staff.

  On our way to Allie’s house, I feel her glancing over at me. She met me in front of her building when I picked her up and I can see her debating whether or not to invite me in.

  When I pull up outside the front doors to her new condo building, I put the car in park but leave it running.

  Allie licks her lips, starts to say something, stops, and then says, “Do you want to come up?”

  Nodding, I maneuver the car into a parking spot. Allie leads me inside. Her new building looks much nicer from the outside than her old one. It’s sleek and modern with clean lines, glass balconies, and pewter accents.

  The foyer is brightly lit, the tile floor so clean it shines. A guard greets Allie as we pass.

  “Wow, Dawn outdid herself in finding you this place.” I follow Allie onto the elevator, watching as she pushes seven.

  “She really did. I got an incredible deal. The money I made from the sale of the old condo was a sizeable down payment. My mortgage is manageable, the building is new and safe, and it’s close to work. All the features I wanted.”

  She unlocks her door, leading me into her home. It’s so cozy, eclectic, and totally Allie. Her living room is a cool gray accented in jewel tones. Her walls are covered in black and white photos.

  We don’t explore the rest of her apartment, settling onto her couch with a glass of wine.

  “I had fun tonight.” Allie smiles at me, chewing her lower lip as she sets her glass down.

  I don’t have a chance to respond because Allie is straddling me, her lips on my neck as she presses her body into mine.

  “What happened to—” I groan out as she nips my earlobe.

  Her lips crashing into mine cut me off, her tongue stroking mine as she winds her hands into my hair. My hands grip her hips before sliding up her back and under her shirt.

  Allie rolls her hips into me, both of us groaning at the friction. The chemistry between us, the way we come together, has always been passionate and explosive.

  Allie’s shirt hits the floor, mine following shortly after.

  She tears her bra off, leaning back as I suck a nipple into my mouth. I’ve missed the silky feel of her skin. I’ve missed how responsive she is to me. Every moan, whimper, whispered word is genuine. My brain is in a fog as we grope, grind, and devour each other.

  Her breaths are coming in quick pants when I kiss my way back up to her lips. Her passionate response to me setting me on fire.

  Pulling back with a groan, I cup her cheek in my hand. “If we don’t stop we both know where this will go, and I know you want to take things slow.”

  She drops her forehead to my shoulder with a disappointed sigh. “You’re right. I want you so badly, but we need to do this right this time around. I want to build a foundation to our relationship, not just teeter on a rickety platform.”

  Allie slides off my lap, handing me my shirt. We dress and she walks me to the door. She brushes her lips across mine.

  “Goodnight, Landon.” Her breathy voice makes walking out of the door challenging, but I know it’s what’s right.

  The pen scratches across the paper as I sign my name one last time, the mound of paperwork and extensive contract detail out the expectations I’m agreeing to when I take Blade home. The primary ones that I agree to maintain his medication and regular vet checkups and that should the adoption not work out, I agree to return him to the rescue. It’s one of the reasons I chose this particular rescue, because they strive to match the right animal with the right person. I try to still the shaking of my hand as I slide the stack over to the staff member.

  “Take a seat while we get him ready.” The lady smiles at me, I can’t remember her name I’m too excited. Many of the volunteers came to say goodbye to Blade, their fondness for him moving.

  Taking the seat next to Landon, I give him a shaky smile when he takes my hand before I turn to stare at the doors. I’ve been counting down to this day since I was told I was approved. I even put a countdown on my calendar.

  His vet check went well. Blade has some minor neurological damage from when he was thrown out of a car as a kitten. Due to this, he doesn’t move with the typical feline grace. He struggles with stairs and moving over anything that isn’t flat ground. Aside from that, he’s totally healthy.

  Despite meeting Blade in several supervised visits, it almost feels like a first date. I want him to love his home, I want him to love me. Whenever I pictured my home, ever since I was a little girl, a cat was a part of that picture. And now it’s becoming a reality.

  The staff comes back out with the cat carrying case I bought, Blade’s golden eyes peering out the mesh sides at me. My heart breaks a little when he gives a nervous meow.

  I take the case, thank the staff, and follow Landon to his car. Sliding into the passenger seat, I carefully set Blade on my lap, cooing at him in a soothing tone when he continues to cry in his rough meow.

  The drive to my condo feels like it takes forever, but Landon pulls up to the doors so I can head upstairs while he parks.

  Yesterday I took a half day off work so I could get my apartment ready for him. I installed a kitty door into my storage room and built a special litter box with a lower edge to make it easier for him to get into.

  Instead of the normal cat towers, I had one specially built for him with a ramp into a cozy bed, because despite his inability to jump he loves to perch up high and look around and I wanted to be sure he would be able to do so.

  Sitting on the floor, I cross my legs and unzip the case. I open it up and watch as he inches toward the edge of the case, his ebony head poking out cautiously.

  “Welcome home, sweet boy.” My voice is low, a soft coo.

  When he inches out of the case even more, I reach my hand out slowly before running my fingers over his cheeks. He creeps closer, but then Landon comes in and he bolts back into his case.

  Turning around, I smile as Landon frowns. “I’m sorry, buddy, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

  In his hands, Landon is carrying a huge bag of cat toys. A variety of fake mice, some feather toys, and a scratching mat for him.

  “Wow! You really spoiled him.” The gesture is so touching, my throat cracks with emotion. He’s been counting down with me, helping me get my condo set up to welcome Blade home. He even got me a collage picture frame that says “Fur Baby” so I can hang it up once I have my first photos with Blade. Then to add in this on top of that, it makes my heart skip a beat.

  Landon sits next to me, kissing me before turning to look at Blade who’s peeking his head out of the case again, his pupils dilated as he stares at the pile of toys Landon just poured onto the floor.

  I don’t know how long we sit and play with Blade as he gets more and more comfortable, but Landon stays the whole time. I fall for him a little more as he spends hours with me and Blade, not once getting bored or complaining.

  “I think we should order takeout. I know you don’t want to leave him, but I can hear your stomach growling.” Lando
n laughs as I put my hands on my stomach and grimace.

  “You’re right, and you’ve been incredibly patient with me.” I lean into Landon’s side, my eyes never leaving Blade as he continues to explore. “We’ve crawled after him into every room.”

  “It was a unique way to get a tour.” He laughs.

  I feel myself flush red as I bury my face into Landon’s shoulder. “Oh my God. I only have one cat and I’m already a crazy cat lady.”

  I don’t move when Landon kisses me on the crown of my head with a chuckle. He pulls out his phone. I glance at his screen to see he’s ordering us a couple of pizzas. He stands, reaching down to help me to my feet before wrapping his arms around me. “Not crazy, you just finally have the finishing touch to your home. You’ve wanted a cat for as long as I’ve known you.”

  He pauses, tilting my chin back so we’re looking at each other, his expression curious yet a little cautious. “Why didn’t you and Brendan have a cat? It’s all you talked about when you were dreaming of having your own place.”

  “Brendan was allergic and it seemed silly to not move forward with him just because I wouldn’t be able to have a cat. It was a small sacrifice at the time.”

  Landon nods, giving me another kiss before dropping his arms. He wanders into my kitchen, grabbing us a couple glasses of water before sitting down on the couch. Blade has disappeared into one of the other rooms, when I start to follow Landon clears his throat. “He’s fine, come sit with me. We can hunt him down later and force more cuddles on him.”

  Smiling, I sit next to Landon and lean into him. “Will you stay the night?” My voice quivers a bit, nervous to take this next step with him.

  A part of me feels guilty that I’m so happy with Landon. The devil on my shoulder telling me I’m heartless for being able to move on so quickly after Brendan.

  Then the other half of me has never felt so complete and I know I need to accept things for what they are. There is something between Landon and I, something irreplaceable.

  “I packed a bag and left it in the car. You know, just in case.” He gives me that sexy smirk I love, the one that he gave me right before he kissed me the first time.

  Even though we’ve been intimate before, being with him now feels like we’re experiencing everything for the first time, maybe it’s because for the first time we’re just us without anything else standing in our way.

  “Good. I don’t want tonight to end. This day has been perfect and I’m so happy I got to share it with you.” It’s something I always imagined, us picking out a cat together and bringing it home. While it didn’t quite happen that way, Landon is still here sharing this with me. It’s a moment that will always just be ours.

  Landon pulls my legs so they drape over his. Our fingers are linked together, I sigh as his thumb strokes soothing circles over my skin.

  “When do you break ground on the park?” he asks.

  “In May. The new contractor has been working overtime to speed up the process on her end, but you know how slow things move on our end, especially after all the incidents last year. The design is incredible and it’ll be complete just in time for them to pour water onto the new skating area. It’s a trail that will weave through the park, but in the winter, they’re going to turn it into a skating trail. The plan is to have Christmas lights in the trees all along the path and hot chocolate stands at a few different checkpoints.”

  “That sounds incredible. We’ll have to check it out.” His voice is full of pride, his eyes light with interest.

  Warmth floods through me as I nod. Ever since he’s been back in my life I’ve been replaying scenes from seven years ago over and over in my head. Something I’ve just realized is that we never made plans outside of a few days and even then, that was rare. Most of the time we were flying by the seat of our pants.

  Now when we talk about things we want to do, it includes plans for the future, things we want to see and do together, and that makes me want to squeal like a teenage girl.

  Landon tilts my chin up, leaning down and kissing me. He takes his time, the sensuous movements of his lips against mine show me he is feeling the same way. When he wraps my hair around his hand, deepening the kiss, I slide my hands up his chest and wrap my arms around his neck.

  Everything about this moment is unhurried. We savor the way each other tastes, enjoying getting to know what we like and dislike all over again.

  Landon grabs my hips and pulls me onto his lap, I grind into him, his erection pressing into my core. I know taking things slow is a wise choice, but right now all I want to do is strip down and feel every part of him.

  Running my hands through his hair, I pull gently and move my lips from his mouth and down his neck. I move my lips all over his exposed skin, the sound of his groans fueling me.

  “God, I love the way you taste,” I mumble against him before pressing my lips against his again.

  Landon grabs my hips and stands up. Wrapping my legs around his waist, we don’t stop kissing as he moves. I can’t help the giggle that escapes as he bumps into the coffee table. He smiles against my lips before kissing me harder as he stumbles his way through my condo to my bedroom.

  He sets me on my feet at the foot of my bed, pulling back to yank his shirt over his head. Before mine can join his on the floor, I glance at the bed and see Blade sleeping. I put a ramp up to the bed so he would be able to sleep next to me if he wants to.

  Landon follows my gaze. “Looks like he’s settled right in.”

  Smiling softly, I turn back to Landon and press a kiss to his chest. Backing up, I sit on the bed, careful not to disturb Blade, and slide back, curling my finger at Landon.

  “Come here.” I chew on my lip, heat rushing into my cheeks at the throaty sound of my voice.

  He smirks at me, crawling up the bed before lowering himself over me. I wrap my legs around him, pulling his head down to kiss me again.

  “I love your lips. I love kissing you.” I love you. The thought is so sudden, my lips freeze. It’s not that I didn’t think those feelings were still lingering in some part of me, I just didn’t expect them to resurface so quickly.

  Landon looks down at me when I stay frozen.

  “Are you okay?” His expression is worried, I can see our past hanging over us like a ghost that haunts our present. I know a part of him is worried I’m not going to trust him and his feelings, but I do. I know this time will be different.

  Nodding, I hug him close. “I just can’t believe we’re here. Life has a funny way of turning out, doesn’t it?”

  “Sometimes things are meant to be. Maybe not right away, but we just needed to live a little first.” Landon leans down to kiss me again, his hips grinding into me when there is a loud knock on the door.

  Landon huffs out a laugh. “Oh yeah, pizza.” He kisses my forehead before jumping out of bed and throws his shirt on before rushing to the door.

  Closing my eyes, I groan in frustration before rolling off the bed and making myself presentable. As much as I want to continue on the trajectory we were heading, I know it’s for the best.

  We eat dinner, talking about a pet playdate. PeeWee has never met a cat before, so it should be entertaining. By the time we finish, we’re both exhausted so we head back to bed. This time we cuddle in close, Landon curling around me, kissing my cheek as he wraps me into his arms. “This feels right in a way I think was missing before.” His tone is sleepy, but I can hear the smile in his voice.

  “I know what you mean. I’m really happy, Landon.” Closing my eyes, I smile at his agreeing hum.

  We fall asleep wrapped in each other’s arms. Our first night together. Landon doesn’t push for more intimacy, something I’m both thankful for and frustrated by. It feels right to wait, to develop a relationship on more of a foundation than our physical attraction to each other, but the craving is there. That draw that we were never able to resist before pulling at me. I don’t think I’ll be able to wait much longer.

  The crowd scre
ams in excitement as Brothers Osborne takes the stage. Landon’s brother, Josh, won tickets but couldn’t make it, so he gave them to Landon when he found out I’m a huge fan. I love this band and tried to get tickets, but they sold out before I had a chance, basically I owe Josh big time.

  When the first song comes on, I scream with the rest of the crowd causing Landon to laugh at me. He’s not a country music fan, but he knew how much I wanted to come tonight and he said he wanted to enjoy it with me.

  I can feel him watching me as I sing along to the words. Turning to look at him, I return his grin and take his hand. Standing onto my toes, I kiss him quickly.

  Song after song plays, until the band is leaving the stage and the lights are coming back on. Landon and I have spent as much waking time together as possible over the past month, but aside from that one night he’s always gone back to his house at the end of the day.

  As he leads me to the car, his hand holding mine, I watch him. I want to fall asleep in his arms. But before that, I want to finally let myself be with him. I want to feel him moving inside of me, I want to see if we fit together as well as I remember.

  “Stay the night.” I angle my body to look at him as he drives me home. “I don’t want this night to end, I want you to be the last thing I see before I fall asleep, and the first thing I see when I wake up.”

  Landon, looks at me before returning his focus to the road. “Would you judge me if I told you I have a bag in my trunk?” He laughs.

  He smirks as I giggle and shake my head.

  “Maybe a little, but obviously we both had the same thought.” I take his hand and hold it for the rest of the drive.

  Back at my condo, I pick up Blade and cuddle him to me. His rumbly purr is a soothing sound in the quiet of my home. Setting him on the floor, I feed him and then lock up.

  Landon follows me through my condo, his hand resting on my lower back. Holding up a finger, I excuse myself to the bathroom where I take my birth control pill and chug a glass of water.