Why Not Me? Read online

  Anytime I contemplated ending things with Melissa, I thought about that moment and forced myself to stay.

  “I can’t believe you tried to see me.” Her voice is barely above a whisper, her eyes soft. “It’s been quite the journey, but I’m so glad we’re here now.”

  Kissing her, I cup her cheek. “Me too. Sometimes things just have a way of working out.”

  She inches closer, resting her cheek against my chest. Her eyes close as I stroke her back in soft, rhythmic circles.

  I catalogue this moment in my mind, it’s the moment I realize that Allie still loves me despite everything. Opening my mouth, I start to say the words but I bite them back. I want to wait until our vacation.

  Glancing at my phone, I frown when I notice that Blake and Dawn are fifteen minutes late. Not unusual for Blake, but completely out of the ordinary for Dawn. Come to think of it, they both sounded off last night when I firmed up our plans.

  With me moving and most of my time occupied with Landon or work, we haven’t spent as much time together, neglecting our biweekly pedicure and dinner dates.

  I know I need to leave the Landon fog I’ve been in, despite the bliss I’ve been experiencing with him. I’ve found it easier to ignore the guilt I have over how happy I am when I’m not around reminders of my life with Brendan.

  Sadly, that has included Blake and Dawn. That’s going to change today.

  I finally see them walking toward me, my smile falling when I see the glower on Blake’s face as Dawn talks to her, gesturing wildly. Dawn is flushed, her expression worried as they both finally notice me.

  What’s going on?

  “Hey!” I smile, cocking my head when the both turn forced grins in my direction. “Okay, I know I’ve been a little distant lately, but I hope you can forgive me.” My tone is contrite.

  “Aww, Allie, we know. We’re not mad that you’ve been a little preoccupied over the last bit.” Blake gives me a hug, and a real smile. “Trust me, I would have been disappointed if you didn’t disappear into a sex-fueled frenzy after you’ve been pining for that man for so long. Besides, you had your grieving time. You did things in the right order.”

  I’m confused by the look she shoots in Dawn’s direction.

  “So—what’s going on then.” My voice is laced with curiosity and a little irritation. They’ve been acting weird now for a while and I feel like I’m in the middle without having any information.

  Blake opens the door to the salon, exchanging another look with Dawn as we pass. “Don’t worry about it. Sister stuff. I’ll tell you about it after you come back from your vacation with Landon.”

  Turning, I give Dawn a hug while we wait for someone to greet us. She feels tense and when I pull away, I notice a glassy sheen to her eyes.

  Before I can ask, she shakes it off and gives me a small smile. “How are things going with Landon?”

  “Good, overall. It’s hard not to have doubts, especially after the last time, but it feels right. I feel guilty though, like I’m happy too soon after things ended with Brendan. And I also feel guilty because I miss him.” I sigh, relieved to be able to talk about this with my two closest girlfriends.

  “You do?” Dawn whispers, a weird edge to her voice.

  “Well, yeah, not in that way, but he was my best friend. He knew basically everything about me and we spent nearly every day together for so many years. I think I feel it more because our friendship was the best part of our relationship and that’s why we could part as well as we did, minus a few hiccups.” Shrugging, I pause as a smiling woman finally comes to the front.

  We follow her to the chairs, three foot baths ready to go with steaming water. As we get situated, I continue to watch my friends closely. Something weird is going on and I feel like I’m involved somehow.

  “I need to ask. How is Brendan?” I look at Dawn, unable to resist voicing my curiosity.

  “Why—what—how should I know?” Dawn stutters, drawing a sigh from Blake.

  “Well, you’ve been hanging out—it seems reasonable that you would know. You’ve been friends for as long as he and I have been involved. Besides, I thought I saw you guys having coffee just the other day.” I laugh, her reaction totally bizarre. “Dawn, if you feel weird that you’ve continued your friendship with him, don’t. I would never expect you to pick sides. I think we’re too mature for that kind of crap.”

  Blake snorts, but just shakes her head when I glance over at her.

  “What?” My voice is confused, they’re both acting so strange and I can’t figure out why they won’t tell me what’s going on.

  “Oh. Yeah. I guess I just feel bad because I don’t want things to be awkward,” Dawn whispers and it feels like her words have a double meaning. “He’s doing well. I think he misses you too, in the same way.”

  “I’m glad. I want him to be happy.”

  We all start to relax as we’re pampered, the pedicurist massaging my feet is pure bliss.

  The rest of our day goes well, despite the tension between Blake and Dawn. It’s not the first time they’ve had a major fight. I just can’t ignore the feeling that this time their argument revolves around me.

  When I arrive at Landon’s house, I’m greeted with a note on the door telling me to come in. Smiling, I twist the knob and step inside quietly. The house smells amazing, something obviously cooking in the oven.

  PeeWee runs to greet me, jumping all over, his tail wagging.

  “Just in time.” Landon rounds the corner, a single chocolate rose in his hand. “Dinner is almost ready.”

  Taking the rose, I lift up and kiss him, pouting when the oven timer goes off. I follow him into the kitchen, my stomach growling as the mouthwatering aroma hits me full on. “This smells amazing, what are you making?”

  “It’s a roast chicken, but a little more brothy than what you’d normally expect. I’m playing around with a house favorite.” He grins at me, slipping some oven mitts over his hands and pulling out a casserole dish.

  I take a seat as he sets the dish down, snagging his hand when he goes to move past me. Pulling, we smile against each other’s lips before kissing each other in a slow, deep kiss.

  I finally release him when my stomach growls again, taking the serving spoon he hands me and helping myself.

  “How was your girls’ day out?” He takes the spoon from me, but instead of serving himself, he holds my gaze as I respond.

  “It was okay. Something is going on between those two, it’s making our outings a little tense. Blake is being super cryptic too. She was all, ‘don’t worry, I’ll fill you in soon.’ It puts a damper on our time together.” I force a smile and shrug. “Oh well, I guess if they want to talk to me about it they will. It just feels like I’m stuck in some fight and I have no idea how to fix it.”

  Landon nods, his brow furrowing. “I can see how that might take the enjoyment out of your day.”

  I can tell he wants to offer advice, but he also knows that whatever advice he gives is no good if Blake and Dawn refuse to talk about what’s going on.

  Instead of dwelling, I dive into the delicious meal he’s prepared as we bargain over who gets to pick the movie.

  Straightening my dress, I slip my feet back into my stilettos, gather my purse, and shut off the lights in my office. Landon should be here to pick me up any moment now, and I’m tired of waiting inside.

  No one else is in the building, even maintenance left half an hour ago, but I wanted to wrap up a few loose strings before we went on our weeks’ vacation.

  Taking a quick glance around, I shut off the lights, set the alarm, and head outside to wait.

  One of the first projects I had was developing a circular park in front of the town office. There is a walking path that goes around the entire thing, leading pedestrians from the street to the main entrance of the building. At the north, south, east, and west points, there are paths leading to the center.

  In each of the four pie-shaped sections, the mature foliage is a mix
ture of coniferous trees, lush shrubs, and thyme. All intended to be low maintenance and yet shield the center of the park from view.

  Lining the paths are small solar lights that shine onto the walkway. At night, they allow you to see where you’re walking without distracting or blocking the stars.

  The center is my pride and joy of the entire setup. In between where the paths come to the center is a bench, but these benches are sheltered so even in the rain they are lovely to sit in, gazing out at the stars or watching the fountain in the very center of the park as the cool water flows.

  The fountain is made of three stone pillars standing amidst black stones, the water bubbling from the top to flow down the pillars and over the stones. The sound of the water flowing is a soft, soothing sound, and I admit I love kicking off my shoes to walk over the smooth, wet stones.

  This is where I find myself after waiting for Landon to arrive for over fifteen minutes, my shoes kicked off and tucked under one of the benches along with my purse, walking over the smooth wet stones.

  The streets are quiet, so I close my eyes and listen to the sound of the water as I feel it run coolly over my feet. It was a long week of working late, but I feel the stress roll off my shoulders as I clear my head of anything but the water.

  I love water, I love the way it sounds. I love how powerful it is in some cases, and how peaceful it is in others. It’s one of the reasons I insisted we have a more interactive fountain. It was a selfish request that I knew other people would gain enjoyment from.

  Heat warms my back, hands gripping my waist.

  “Landon.” I sigh with a smile.

  A low, rough voice fills my veins with ice. “Nope.”

  A hand tangles in my hair, pulling hard when I try to turn around. The other gripping my arm in a vicelike hold.

  “M-my purse is over there. Take it.” My voice shakes, everything in front of me is hazy as my eyes fill with tears.

  Instead of responding, he just laughs.

  That laugh sends my already racing heart into overdrive and I start begging and struggling to pull away. He yanks on my hair, sharp pains shooting through my scalp. When I cry out in agony, he yanks even harder.

  “Shut the fuck up, bitch.” He drags me backwards to one of the benches. The previous serenity I found in the seclusion of what I thought of as my Zen garden, is shattered as he shoves me face first into the wood.

  Sobbing, I clench my hands into fists. Where is Landon? Why isn’t he here yet?

  My flight instinct kicks into high gear when I feel my attacker’s hand slid up my dress. I start struggling, kicking back at him. When he yelps as I make contact, my moment of satisfaction is fleeting. A blow hits me in the back of my head, a second one quickly following when I cry out.

  Tears flow down my cheeks as his hand finds its way up my dress and onto my ass. My body shivers in repulsion as he squeezes and presses his jean-clad erection into me.

  “God, yes,” he groans, the sound fills me with rage.

  I try to throw myself away from him, fists and feet flying, but his hand in my hair tightens and uses my momentum to throw me face first onto the ground.

  My vision grows fuzzy as he pulls my head up and boots me in the ribs. Crying out in pain, I sob as my limbs grow weak. In his rage, he continues to beat me until I’m a puddle on the ground.

  I can’t stop one final wail from escaping as I feel him straddle my legs, my dress bunching up at my waist.

  One final blow to the back of my head, and my world goes black.

  Glancing at the clock, I hold back a sigh of frustration. My client was thirty minutes late, and now she’s telling me she doesn’t fully understand the exercises I’ve given her.

  Running through them again, I watch, giving minor corrections along the way. By the time we’re done, I’m running close to forty-five minutes behind.

  “May I use your bathroom before I go?” She dances in the spot, her grin wide.

  Clenching my jaw, I jerk my head in a nod. I’m not disguising my irritation well, but she’s been incredibly inconsiderate. She’s lucky I didn’t have any clients after her.

  Rushing around the clinic, I check all the doors and shut my computer down. I contemplate texting Allie, but she mentioned working until I got to her office, so I decide against it. I know she has a checklist of things to get done, I don’t want to bother her.

  I finally hear the toilet flush—once, and then again.

  Gloria comes shuffling out, her face bright red. “So, uh, the toilet wouldn’t flush and now water is running over.” Her voice is humiliated, and I have to fight to keep my expression neutral. “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t worry about it.” I lock up after she leaves, almost positive she will be looking up a new physical therapist before coming back here.

  Racing into the bathroom, I take one quick glance at the mess and yell, “Shit!”

  Water is overflowing, the plunger askew in the toilet. I don’t even want to think about what I’m walking in as I rush to the toilet and turn off the water.

  This evening is not going how I planned. I was supposed to be with Allie right now. Hugging her and loving on her. Not ankle deep in toilet water.

  “Why can’t people show up on time?” Grumbling, I work the plunger until the tell-tale gurgle of a cleared pipe sounds. Turning the water back on, I watch it fill to the appropriate level and stop.

  I make quick work of cleaning up the mess, unwilling to leave it for the cleaning staff. I’m not a complete ass, it wouldn’t be fair to them.

  I’m really running late by the time I lock up, late enough that I stop for flowers to soften Allie. Our bags are in my car, but I have a feeling we may need to delay our vacation until tomorrow.

  Parking out front, I frown when I notice the lights are out and Allie is nowhere to be seen. Maybe she went home, but she didn’t text. I’m not sure why she would leave, but maybe she forgot to pack something.

  An uneasy feeling settles into my gut. Allie is great at communicating, so the fact that I haven’t heard from her and she’s nowhere to be seen isn’t sitting well.

  I pick up my phone and call Allie. Straight to voicemail. The churning in my stomach increases as I head to her house, only to find she’s not there either.

  I search for Allie, unable to call anyone who might know where she is because I don’t have their contact information. I’m about to head to the police when the phone rings with a number I never thought would ever call me again.

  Beep. Beep. Beep.

  Beep. Beep. Beep.

  Beep. Beep. Beep.

  Blinking, I try to check out my surroundings, the noises and smells unfamiliar, but everything is out of focus. My eyes are so dry, they burn, and my head starts pounding at the bright lights. The constant beeping matches the throbbing in my head.

  Groaning, I lick my dry lips and try to roll to my side, squeezing my eyes shut.

  “Owww.” The cry escapes from my lips almost like it’s being torn out.

  My entire body hurts.

  Where am I?

  Clenching my eyes, I try to ground myself before opening my eyes once again. Squinting, I slowly focus on the stark white room around me. As I take in the tell-tale hospital equipment, memories of what happened come flooding to the surface.

  The absolute disgust at feeling that vile man’s erection pressing into me makes bile rise in my throat. I lean over the edge of the bed, grasping for the garbage can and lifting it just in time.

  My heart rate spikes as I think about all the possibilities of what he could have done to me after he knocked me out and a nurse comes bustling into the room.

  “Shhh, you’re okay, honey. I’m going to turn up the morphine and go find the doctor. Just relax, you’re safe.” Her voice is soothing as she fiddles with the IV next to me. Her hair is a mess of curls swaying in a ponytail, her expression concerned as I look at her silently from blurry eyes.

  The pain ebbs as the drip takes effect, but I can’t stop the te
ars from flowing down my cheeks. The physical pain may be gone, but emotionally I feel beaten to a pulp. It’s hard to articulate exactly how I’m feeling right now, all I know is that my life will never be the same.

  “What time is it?” My voice is hoarse, I must have been screaming when he knocked me out.

  “It’s eleven in the evening. You were brought here by ambulance at around eight forty-five.”

  My heart sinks. I have no idea what time he knocked me out at and my mind automatically goes to the worst-case scenario. I never thought something like that would happen in this town. I’ve always felt so safe here. My world has been shattered and I don’t even know how to begin to deal with the influx of thoughts flooding me right now.

  The idea of leaving this room, going back out into the world, is overwhelming and terrifying.

  Crying out as sobs wrack my body, I fist the sheets in my hands and try to fight off the panic. Squeezing my eyes shut, questions flood my mind. How did I get here? Did he finish what he set out to do?

  Is he still out there?

  A masculine voice breaks through my thoughts, strong fingers probing my ribs. I can’t hear anything he is saying over the rush of panic.

  Screams fill the room and it’s not until that soothing voice belonging to the sweet nurse breaks through that I realize they’re coming from me.

  “Shhh, honey, this is Doctor Anders. He’s here to talk to you.” Her cool hand smooths over my forehead before she takes my hand and squeezes it gently.

  Opening my eyes, I meet her kind gaze. Her warm brown eyes smiling down at me in concern. “We know you’ve been through something traumatic, but you’re safe now. You’re safe.”

  She repeats that I’m safe several times until my eyes clear and my heart rate drops, and then she steps aside so I can meet the gray gaze of the doctor. He’s got to be in his sixties, his graying hair trimmed neatly. The smile he turns on is warm and instantly puts me at ease.

  “Miss Vincent, I’m Doctor Anders. Before we dive into your injuries, I want to let you know that we completed a rape kit, and the results came back negative. As you were unconscious, we gained permission from your emergency contact that we had on file. It was stipulated he could give medical permission to treatment should you be unable. The police were called, and they will want to talk to you at some point.” He pauses and grabs my chart from where he set it on my food tray. “Now, I’m sure you’re feeling quite a bit of pain. You have four fractured ribs, a minor concussion, and several contusions over your body.”