All About Us Read online

  We have had the previous relationship discussion. It wasn’t as awkward as I thought it would be and my past didn’t seem to bother her. I’m curious to find out what her reaction is now that she has actually met Yvette. I’m guessing it is a ‘What the fuck’ reaction. Emma is sensitive to how people present themselves and she probably saw straight to Yvette’s cold hearted core. My gut is in knots and I glance out of the corner of my eye to where Yvette is at the bar flirting with her next victim. The look in her eyes was devious and I feel like I need to protect Emma from her. She doesn’t look our way and I shake off the feeling. I’m just being paranoid.

  Soon Emma, Jesse, Ashton and I are the only ones left at the table.

  “Guys, I just love you. Thanks for understanding and being there for me.” Laughing as Jesse slurs his words, Ashton helps him out of the booth.

  “I better get him home, before he is complete dead weight.”

  “We’re gonna go too. Let me help you.” Pushing myself out of the booth, I lift Jesse’s other arm over my neck. Emma walks behind us as we help him out the door and into Ashton’s car. “Tell him he has the weekend off.”

  “Will do. It was nice to meet you.” Ashton shuts the passenger door to his car and moves to the driver’s side.

  Yawning as we walk to my car, Emma leans into me. “You’re a good friend.”

  “I don’t care who he dates.” My words come across more defensive than I intended, but her words surprised me. Emma stops and looks up at me, placing her hand on my chest.

  “Obviously not. I meant paying for his drinks all night, supporting him to tell his dad when he was nervous to and giving him time off during the busiest season to recover. It’s the little things that count in friendship. Complete support and understanding. Giving when they are in need without expecting anything in return because you know if the roles were reversed, they would do the same for you. Those kinds of friendships are rare and it makes me love you even more when I see how much you cherish it.” Her bright green eyes gaze up at me in admiration causing pride to fill me. That look in her eyes, I will do whatever it takes to keep that look there for the rest of our lives.

  Bending down, I scoop her into my arms and twirl her around. Her laughter echoes through the parking lot and an older couple out for a walk smiles our way.

  “Let’s go home so I can have my wicked way with you.” A smirk graces her face and she leans in sucking my earlobe between her teeth. Her hands wrap into my hair as she nuzzles my neck like when she thought she was dreaming. Picking up speed, I set her down by my car and lean her up against it, pressing my body into hers. “You keep that up and we won’t make it home. In the car, now.” Opening the door for her, I race to the driver’s side to get home quickly. I need her. Now.

  The sound of Dane’s alarm going off rouses me from another dreamless sleep. Reaching my arm out from under the covers, I slap my hand around until I manage to shut it off. My body aches from last night and I smile at the memory of Dane’s body against mine.

  “I hate mornings.” His voice is gruff and it send shivers down my spine. Grumbling, he pulls the blanket over his head and buries his face into my side. It still surprises me that Dane has never adjusted to early mornings and it always makes my day being able to tease him just a little.

  “You say that every morning. Come on, get up. Jesse will be waiting for you and I have to feed my critters before heading to see Dr. Hughes. We bumped our appointments from Thursday afternoons to Monday mornings.” Ripping the blankets off of him, I laugh and jump away as he grabs for me. “Nope. No time for that this morning. Now get up.”

  “You’re mean.” Dane’s pouty face is adorable and I can feel myself melting when Lia pounds on the door.

  “Emma, your dog has been sitting on our porch for half an hour waiting for you.” Poor Chloe, she is not sure what to think on the nights I spend at Dane’s. I haven’t pushed having her come here when I spend the night because Johnathan could not stand Chloe. I don’t really want to burst the blissful bubble we’re in arguing over her.

  “You know she is welcome to come sleep here too.” Dane sees my guilt and automatically knows what I need to hear. “I know your ex didn’t like her, but I adore that dog, she’s pretty cool.” Lunging into his arms, I kiss his face all over smiling like a fool. He makes me so happy.

  Dr. Hughes added new paintings to the walls since I saw her last week. Remembering the look of pride that filled her face when I told her of my discussion with Dane, I can’t wait to tell her that I also spoke to Lia and Ryan. My entire circle knows the full extent of what I’ve been dealing with and it feels as though a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

  We’ve also started working on managing my anxiety in the back seat of the car. Dr. Hughes had pointed out that everyone inadvertently was enabling my anxiety to cripple me and gave some suggestions on how to work through it. The challenges are still there, but it’s been improving.

  The side door of the room opens giving me a glimpse into her office as she comes in the door.

  “Hello Emma. You’re looking well. How has the past week been?” As she sits in the chair next to me I fill her in on my conversations with Lia and Ryan.

  “Oh, and we’ve been working with my anxiety and I have seen improvement. I know I have a long way to go, but I hope that one day it won’t even be a thought.” I never dreamt I would enjoy talking about my problems, I prefer to be there for everyone else and push mine aside, but therapy has been one of the best decisions I have made.

  “That’s wonderful. I know that the anniversary of your parent’s passing is next week. August 20, I believe?” Her eyes are soft and she shifts to face me more directly as she asks about the date.

  “Yes, that is the date. I know that this next week is going to be a challenge, but with the support of my friends and the strategies we have been working on I am not as anxious for it as I was. The sadness is there, but it’s no longer crippling.” My words are strong and sure. Dr. Hughes looks at me intently, and seems satisfied that I am not covering up my emotions as I have done so much in the past. “I know it’s hard to believe, I spent so much time locking everything inside, but I feel stronger. I’m not saying it will be easy, and I know I may need to remind myself. I guess I just have begun to realize that not only do I deserve better from myself, but so do my friends. I know Mom, Dad and Grandpa would want me to be strong. I also feel confident that with Dane at my side I can get through anything.”

  Dr. Hughes crosses her legs and smiles at me. Trying not to fidget as she watches me, I reflect on my body and what it’s telling me. Despite the looming date, my pulse is normal and I’m not sweating. There is no anxiety, no fear. The sadness is there, the longing to be able to talk to them and see them, but that will never disappear. Shockingly, I actually feel prepared to deal with it and I know that the strength I gain from Dane’s love and support has a major part to play in my current mental state.

  Dr. Hughes focuses the session on different coping mechanisms to help me get through the next couple of weeks; she is on vacation next week and is regretful that we won’t be able to have a session. I make note of the tension releasing exercises, but the one that stands out the most is holding some sort of ceremony in their honor. Despite Grandpa passing away just under a month later I think I will celebrate all three of them together.

  When I get home, Lia is waiting for me for our weekly trail ride. Her horse, Ollie, is a gorgeous black gelding who has won several reining competitions. This horse is so smart and so kind; if I could I would steal him from her. He is patiently standing by my gate as Lia leads Chandler out, so I scratch him under his chin in his favorite spot.

  “I hope you don’t mind, but I had Alex saddle him up for you. I thought it would be nice to just head out.” She swings up into her saddle and smiles at me as I give Chandler a hug. Slipping my boot in the stirrup, I grab the horn and pull myself into the saddle.

  “Damn, he’s so much taller than Serenity.�
� Lia leads me down the path to where Arwen is now held, soon she will be able to come home and I can’t wait.

  “How was therapy today?” The trail opens into a field with rolling hills, Arwen standing out in the grass grazing amongst the other babies.

  “It was good. Dr. Hughes was a little worried because she is away next week, but I think I’m going to do okay. The sadness is there obviously, but I have the support from all of you and that makes it not so daunting.”

  “You better know that we’re here for you! Seriously though, I’m glad to hear you sounding so confident, the changes in you from June until now has been immense. I’m really proud of you.”

  “Moving home was the best decision I could have ever made, even if I didn’t know it at the time.” We finish the ride along the fence to the gate in silence and Lia patiently waits while I give Arwen some carrots. Arwen follows along the fence until she can’t anymore, whinnying after me as we continue away.

  “She has grown so attached to you. I bet you’re excited to take her home.” Lia looks back at Arwen still staring in our direction and smiles.

  “I can’t wait to bring her home. Alex is building a smaller pen next to the one the horses are in so she can slowly integrate into the herd. Dane says she can come home as soon as that’s done.” We ride chatting about the horses, Lia is going to keep the black colt to train.

  “Are you going to teach Alex how to train?”

  “I don’t know that I’m the best teacher for that. If he wants to learn he is more than welcome to help me though. You, Dane or Ryan have more experience than I do.” We turn into a treed part of the property that leads to an open field where we can let the horses go. As we wind through the path, Lia falls silent. Turning to look back at her, she has a pensive look on her face, almost dreamy. “Whatcha thinking about?” She jolts out of her thoughts and blushes at my teasing voice.

  “Oh, ummm, I was thinking about when I finally get to train my colt. I’m struggling to think of a name for him, I know it will come to me, but I hate not being able to call him anything.” Lia looks at me, a slight flush remaining on her cheeks and I laugh as she fiddles with the horn.

  “You’re a terrible liar, but I will let you get away with it. When you’re ready to tell me what the hell is going on with you, you will.” The relief is evident on Lia’s face that I’m willing to just let it go. It’s so obvious that I decide to stop teasing her, something is clearly going on and I know I hate it when people push me.

  Leading the way out of the trees and into the field, I kick Chandler into a canter, letting him go as we race across the field. This rush is amazing and while I laugh at the thrill running through my veins, I send a quick thank you to my grandfather for letting me come home. He could have sold his property to the Hyatt’s, but he chose to let me come back to where my heart has always truly been. As we slow down to an easy trot, Lia and Ollie blast past us before stopping and turning back.

  “That never gets old.” The wind blows our hair around our faces, our cowboy hats shielding our eyes from the sun. Gazing at the landscape, I breathe in the fresh summer air watching the grass wave in the breeze, the leaves rustling. “I was thinking of doing a memorial thing for my parents and Grandpa next week. I wish I could have it at their gravesite, but I don’t feel right asking everyone to go there.”

  “Why weren’t they buried closer to here?” The curiosity in Lia’s voice is empathetic and I know she isn’t asking to upset me. I wish they were closer, that was the one downside of moving back here. Leaving them behind.

  “Dad’s parents were both buried there and so they had planned for that too. Grandpa wanted to be close to Mom, so when they made that decision he asked in his will that his ashes be spread there.” My heart squeezes with regret at not planning on going to see them, but I want my support network around me, my new family, and I know they can’t up and leave.

  “That makes sense.” We sit silently, both reminiscing. “I meant to tell you that Mom and Dad are trying to make it home in time to be here for you next week. They said that another month is too long to be away from home.”

  “Oh really? I can’t wait to see them, it’s been too long.” Darren and Juliette never forgot me over the years, sending cards to celebrate birthdays, graduations and any other major events in my life. After the crash, they offered to fly up to help me with everything, but I told them no. I regret refusing them, I know it hurt, but I was not in the place to see them, quickly spiraling into the black hole that held me captive for almost a year. They attended both funerals, but I was like a shadow and don’t even recall much of their short visit. The need to actually be present in the moment fills me and it is one more thing to help me get through next week.

  Lia looks at her watch and sighs reluctantly. She gazes at the field longingly, but shakes her head and turns to look at me. “I had to book a client in this afternoon, we better head back.”

  “Okay, I wanted to surprise Dane with a visit before I get to work this evening.” She smiles and we nudge our horses into a trot, they are eager to head home and eat so they keep up a quick pace the entire way back.

  Closing the gate behind me, I notice a strange car in the drive. Dane has been having the odd meeting with potential clients for his training program. Faltering, I debate whether to surprise him or not but decide to pop in anyways.

  Wiping my forearm across my face, I look at the round pens Jesse and I have finally completed. There are two smaller ones and one larger one. The larger one is the perfect size for round penning a more experienced horse, whereas the smaller ones are better for green horses.

  “Damn, we made good time. Can you stay for a beer? I have a cooler I stocked before we left, hoping we would finish early.” Jesse pulls his cap off, and wipes his face with his shirt.

  “That sounds perfect, it’s fucking hot out today.” A gentle breeze is flowing, but it’s not easing the heat of the sun. I pull a couple beers from the cooler and pop the caps. Handing Jesse the bottle, I take a deep swig before sitting on the back of the truck.

  “How’s it going living with Ashton?” Jesse hasn’t said much about his abrupt move from his parents and into Ashton’s, but I picked up on more than friendship at Linger.

  “It’s fine. Dad still won’t talk to me, but Mom has come to visit. She likes Ashton and insists on setting us up. That woman is going to make me homeless if she keeps pushing.”

  “If you’re interested in him why not go for it? I side with your mom.” I thought discussing his relationships might be awkward or different, but in reality it’s just the same as if we were discussing my relationship with Emma. Smiling as I think about her, I can’t help but think of all the things I get to do to her later.

  “I’m his roommate nothing more.” Jesse takes in the goofy smile on my face and smirks. “Thinking about Emma?”

  “Always. She and Lia are probably setting out for their ride now. Oh, while I’m thinking of it I was hoping you would help Alex and I build a pen for Arwen off where her horses are currently. I want to surprise her by bringing Arwen home sooner than she expects.”

  “Of course. I adore Emma, she is a sweetheart.” Emma invited Jesse over for dinner the Sunday after we went to Linger and they hit it off. Emma got a kick out of how Jesse calls me out on my shit and he got a kick out of how one look from Emma and I’m a puddle. “I’ve never seen you like you are with her. She truly was the missing link from your life.”

  “Yes she was. It took me long enough to crack through her defense mechanisms though! I need to ask one more favor. Next week is the one year mark of when her parents died, do you think you can look after the day to day chores for me? I want to be as available as possible for her.” I know Emma won’t want me to stop everything for her, but she will need to deal with it. With Jesse’s help, I can take the time off and just be there for her.

  “Of course.” We toss our empties back into the cooler and start packing up our tools. Shoving them into the box of the truck, we
drive home.

  “Okay, well I will see you tomorrow.” Jesse takes off. Looking over, I see that Chandler is still gone so I head inside to shower and work on my schedule. The new training arena is complete and I have the walk through tomorrow just to make sure everything is exactly how I want it. My first client should be arriving the first week of September and I want everything to be perfect.

  Instead of holing myself up in the office, I lay out my calendar and notes in the living room. I hate this part, trying to schedule my time so everything that needs to get done in the day is accomplished.

  I grab water, chips and guacamole to eat while trying not to pull my hair out. Thank goodness for Jesse, he has agreed to take over the afternoon feeding so I can focus on training all afternoon. Mornings will be regular chores and reserved for my own horses.

  I’m sitting trying to figure out all the projects we need to accomplish before the snow flies when there is a knock on the door. Sighing in relief, I stretch and make my way to answer. My mind is reeling from trying to figure out how to fit everything and the distraction is welcome.

  Opening the door, Yvette’s smiling face greets me. Never mind it’s not welcome.

  “Yvette.” My tone is cold and her smile falters a bit before she plasters it back on her face.

  “Aren’t you going to invite me in?” Her voice is sugary sweet and it makes me feel sick to my stomach.

  “I wasn’t planning on it.” Crossing my arms, I block the door. Her fake smile remains in place, her eyes hardened at being denied so bluntly.